Reflecting Our Very First Ever Worship

Someone asked me a few days ago why I had not blogged immediately about imagine/northampton's very first worship gathering. Part of my tardiness in the matter had to do with a strong need to recover from the sheer effort and hard work necessary to actually pull it together and pull it off. We knew it would be a mountain of work to be a "traveling roadshow" of sorts, setting up and tearing down everything, but "WOW!" This old man's body sat me down and had a spirited chat with me along the lines of "Do you realize what you're putting me through, cowboy?"

The second reason I didn't put down my thoughts sooner had to do with the tangle of ideas and emotions careening in my head after the event like quanta. It began on the Monday-after with being pulled every which way from, "I have to get new music together for the team to rehearse this Thursday," and reflecting on all sorts of comments people were invited to offer about how the gathering was to them, to "How are we going to solve some of the problems we encountered on Sunday?" There is so much to learn, and so much to get better at. And that's just with the worship piece of imagine/northampton! I felt that weight right away.

Gladly though, I have had time to think about the day and I have a few observations:

1. I can't say enough that even in the "hurry-up" of creating the worship space with the team that morning, I was filled with life at the notion we were actually finally doing worship, and people were gathered. There has always been something very lively to me about getting ready for a public worship event, perhaps its the wait-and-see potential of it all. The energy is infectious and uplifting. The anticipation of how the day will play out captivated my wondering and hope.

2. When the atmosphere was created it looked beautiful and different for a church "service." The ballroom was lovely and light. The tables, centerpieces, and food, and the stage filled with drums, instruments and mics intensified the energy for me. It felt good and right for that day. There was a place for the kids to go and good stuff for them to do around the idea of wonder. They would be engaged (the 20+ of them were, I understand).

When people began to come into the space, many I recognized and some I didn't, I felt the realness of what we were doing differently from other efforts we had made in the mission of imagine. People were gathering with a "come and see" anticipation and seemed engaged from the git. I was amazed people were there at all, frankly. I'm being honest.

Another remarkable part of the day for me was being once again able to help lead worship. Most of you know I had been on the Worship Team at the Barn for 15+ years as a drummer. The last 2.5 years before we moved to Massachusetts I was on the Worship Design Team at the Barn also with many of the same folks now on our current Launch and Leadership Team. Last Sunday, I was finally doing it all again, only this time with a church I was a part of launching. It felt very natural, like being in very familiar surroundings, but now in Northampton and at the very beginning.

An experience not as pleasant was the tension of trying to stay on top of all sorts of set-up details (nowhere near my gift), and last minute logistics needing attention. All kinds of work was getting done by team and imagine group members, but I was still trying to stay on top of musical details, drum equipment details, plus everything else from "are the greeters in place," to "are we going to get all the tech stuff ready before 3?" I was not at all solely responsible for that, but my mind was still racing with everything needing to come together for the gathering to go well, at least with our part of the bargain. I wasn't worried about God.

All in all, the essential minutiae were distracting me from completely savoring what was about to happen. Still there I noticed

MANY WONDERFUL MOMENTS:

• Seeing people milling about before the worship eating, greeting one another and talking together.
• Seeing the team pull it all together under pressure.
• Having our son, Dan, daughter-in-law Lindsay, and grandchildren Conor and Taylor there with us.
• Watching Jeanne Dubuque make her acting debut in the opening sketch (with very short notice, mind you), and do it well.
• Seeing Tricia do a bang-up job drawing people into reflection after Jim's talk even though her mic was off, and seeing people engaged with the questions she gave them.
• Hearing Jim preach again after almost 2 years. Seeing him in his element ably handling the Word of God for us.
• Hearing Silvana nail the reflection song after Jim's talk.
• Experiencing Maureen's servant heart and can-do spirit as she helped us set it all up and then greet people.
• Watching Karen and her dad set up the imagine Kids room, knowing they would be in great hands. Having Ophelia from Amherst College help with the kids.
• Getting to sit at my set of Gretsch drums behind a group of talented singers and musicians taking our worship maiden voyage together, and despite not having enough time to do a run-through, keeping it together and helping people worship God.
• Getting to hear Jen and Kris play.
• Hearing Mike pull people into worship with the songs he sang lead on.
• Playing with Jim again.
• Seeing Matt Bayne's smiling face at the back of the room knowing he had been substantially ill.
• Knowing a number of pastors were with us to give support
  
• Having some of our family and guests stay after to help clean up.
  

SOME FLIES IN THE OINTMENT:

• Terrible room acoustics creating tuning issues and making everything sound jangling and boomy on the stage.
• Schlepping bins of stuff up and down the stairs - being rained on and getting soaked.
• Having to go to our storage shed in Hadley before the worship to retrieve a piece of drum equipment I forgot, and the office to get the Proxima I forgot.
• Not having enough time to do an adequate sound check and sketch run-through.
• Not having enough help with the kids (we didn't really know how many we would have.

So all in all our very first worship in Northampton was good, all things considered. Again, nothing I said can overshadow the fact we got to do it at all, and that God did show up as only he can.

It is a wondrous thing to start a church at my age - at any age, I suspect - and a sobering privilege that God uses old guys like me to create and deepen the Kingdom in the lives of people.

I never realized one sunny New Mexico mid-morning when Jesus engulfed a then, 9-10 year old boy in light, overtook me in a flash with astounding joy I had no name for, and let me know that someday I would truly know him, that at 60, I would be launching a church in his Name and for his glory.

Life is a grand and fitting mystery, indeed.

I hope I miss none of it apportioned to me while I'm here.

Just Rehearsing . . . Relax.

As I stand on the cusp of crunch week crammed with all manner of logistical details we need to address in order to get ready for imagine/northampton's "very first-ever worship," I am reminded what a pastor-friend said to me recently. He offered wise counsel recognizing we would be caught up with the pressure of getting everything done and having a spectacular "very first-ever" corporate worship next Sunday.

He said it would be helpful to think of our "very-first ever worship," as a rehearsal. "There is always next week," he said, or in our case, next month (until January when we go weekly). Some things will go well and some things will not. We are just taking our first steps, after all. There will be kinks to work out, but it will not be the end of the world - or the end of imagine/northampton - if everything doesn't go according to Hoyle. He also referred to Rick Warren's statement that all our worship is just a rehearsal for the true worship we will be caught up with in heaven.

In other words, it was one big "I know how you feel because I've been there, but really, take it easy." I think he also meant I should enjoy the ride. God is at the helm. God called imagine into being and God will be there this week and next Sunday where the focus is really Him and not us. I know all that, but for some reason this imagine/northampton mission feels there is so much riding on it and I don't want to screw up anything, especially worship.

So I will try to hold crunch week loosely, and I will try to center into Christ each day. And I know there will be all sorts of jangling voices yelling at us to take care of this or that "must get done." Nevertheless, the true life in the week will be him, and oh yeah, he knows the way forward.

If you think of it, pray that all of us on the team will not be overwhelmed, but rather staid on him.

Thanks.

Back to the Drummer in the Tollbooth

Since I last saw my comrade in sticks manning a tollbooth on the Mass Pike a few weeks ago I have not been able to forget him. I keep thinking about his tenacity. He sits for a number of hours handing out tickets which means that during certain periods of his shift he is interrupted constantly by people needing one, and yet, he keeps practicing in the lulls. Drumming is his larger purpose. Staying fit for the art, no matter. Hmmm.

So I have also been thinking about this old man planting a church. How does he (I) stay fit so as to be tenacious in a difficult mission? My interruptions, obstacles and flitterings are many. What does this drummer have to teach me?

First, I think it means never taking my eye off the goal to which I have dedicated myself. "Dedicated" is an important word here. I have decided to give my best to this Kingdom mission, whatever it takes. The goal of planting imagine/northampton is one to which I am dedicating precious years and resources. I must not lose sight of it when the going gets tough, the fear is substantial and discouragement comes for an unwelcome visit. No room for faltering if I am dedicated. My eye must stay fixed on where God is bidding me.

For imagine/northampton to take root, my dedication needs to be fierce and tough. Planting churches is not for the faint of heart or the lightly committed. I am learning such dedication. God help me!

Secondly, I must remain flexible in how I maintain the necessary fitness required. More often than not it will not be convenient to maintain the disciplines and activities best suited to keeping me on course: prayer, routine administration, damage control, making new relationships, studying, searching, listening, writing, ministering, creating concepts, etc. I will have to find my own "tollbooths" to keep "practicing." Sometimes the most unlikely places and situations will be my only option to keep after what is needed. Being flexible opens me to opportunity I would likely overlook because I only saw an obstacle or setback.

Planting imagine/northampton requires I learn a freedom of flexibility uncommon to me. I am not rigid, but God still has work to do in "loosening" me for the mission. I want him to complete this in me. God help me!

Thirdly, I must let my love for God, people, and his glorious Kingdom fuel the drive to stay fit and ready to act regardless. Love sheds self-absorption, laziness and cowardice. Love motivates courage and invention. Love says "yes" when I'd rather say "no, not now." Love gets my butt in the chair, or my feet on the street to engage and work rather than wander in the garden of lesser delights. Love gathers passion toward worthy pursuits. Love also keeps my eye toward eternity and what is needful to be ready for it.

For imagine/northampton to take root I will need such depth of love. All of us on the team will. I want to be that loving. God help me!

Lastly, the drummer in the tollbooth reminded me that a "long obedience in the same direction," should be the prime directive of my heart and will. A will fixed on obeying God gets the job done no matter. I know grace is necessary in all of it, but I can choose to give my will to a myriad of glittering things. A will fixed on obeying what God desires opens the way for serving what matters most. When obeying is proven over a long time, God's Kingdom reign is planted in my life and the lives of others he gives me to serve.

Being made fit to plant imagine/northampton needs me obeying God consistently for days turning into months and flowing into years. I have a long way still to go with this level of obedience I'm afraid. But I desire it. God help me!

Pruned to Carry the Weight

A number of years ago a friend with a giant green thumb gave us a Crown of Thorns plant. Those familiar with such plants know they can grow prolifically. Such is the case especially when they are pruned. If you have pruned one you know they "bleed" profusely and immediately a white, milky substance spills from the wound. Pruning necessitates intentional "wounding" to strengthen. and enliven the plant. You are also aware that when you prune them, they come back markedly more healthy and full than before. That's the point.

A few days ago as I was journaling with Jesus, he told me we must be "pruned to carry this (church planting) task or it will crush us." He said he is "making our faith able to carry the weight of this enormous mission." He added that if our "faith is not strong no matter the pressure, (we) will buckle under the weight of this work." I don't know about church planters 35 years younger, but what he said holds very true for us, even in the first year of our mission in Northampton.

Last week I also read an internet article about the "10 'T's' of Church Planting." One of the "T's" was "Trials." The author's point was that as with Paul's thorn suffered in the course of his planting churches around the Mediterranean, church planters will experience many trials, some of them severe. If fact, he said we should expect them, and perhaps for the duration. Hmmm.

Yesterday, I posted a new discussion topic on the imagine/northampton group Facebook page entitled, "How is God "Pruning" You These Days?" In it I listed a series of questions for people to reflect on and write about if they so chose. I think people should invite God's pruning to ensure they are fit for the weight of the mission He wants them to carry (by his grace, and with him, of course).

Here is how I answered two of them:

1. Where is he challenging you to grow especially in faith, trust and selfless love?

Jesus is continually challenging me to trust him with our financial well-being and whether our needs will be met. I am being sorely tested in this area. We have been in ministry for over 20 years, so we know the continual need to trust him here. What seems different is he is requiring a more tenacious trust as he has not provided deep financial resources to the church. Most church planting consultants would say we might be dangerously underfunded. Nevertheless, he has met our need as we have it, but not until it is required to be met.

Such tenacity requires a more vigorous and stubborn faith. He is challenging me there with "Will you believe I will care for you right up to the precipice where it all looks like it will be a disaster if something doesn't happen and right away?" Not easy, I will tell you and we are seasoned veterans. I still have more to learn here as well, especially about the freedom to keep stayed on him when the pressure rises and the fear tries to settle in.


Thirdly, God continues to show me the depth of my selfishness and attention to the unholy trinity: me, myself and I. I relish inordinately the freedom to do as I please when I please. I can be a wanderer if I am not careful. I seem to like serving me. I am a repeat customer.

I need to shun self with a passion.

To the contrary, he wants me to be more available for his use no matter if it is inconvenient or indelicate. Loving people has a substantial cost because they will often define the terms for you. I need to be pruned to be agreeable to their terms and ready to take make the most of them for the Kingdom and thus their blessing.

The point is death to self is not a hobby for me to dabble in. From God's eyes, it is freedom that he can use. So he continues to invite me to a pruning.


2. Where is he gradually "nudging" you toward an area of persistent fear?

Jesus wants me to be more more "present" to talk to strangers about him in Northampton. He wants me to be more available for that purpose. I have always struggled with this essential Kingdom skill. My fear is irrational, but persistent. Where I live in the city Jesus "confronts" me everyday with such people. My flesh wants me to stay anonymous, independent, and invisible. My flesh is sinful and deceitful. I know His pruning will open my heart to people who need to experience him in me, even through something as simple as a conversation or small act of kindness.

I know that his pruning must continue as we move deeper into the imagine/northampton mission in the weeks and months ahead. It is necessary for us to be malleable enough in his hands to make any real Kingdom difference in Northampton. I want to be able to carry all the weight he wants to entrust me with, but I desperately need his enabling grace to be at all up to the task.

So may I submit to his pruning with courage.

May I be eager to be made fit.

May I not shrink back from his hand as he makes me able to carry the weight I must.

Death, Life, The Dirty Truth and a Living Disarray.

Last week, within 24 hours my Northampton life was intersected by four experiences, two were planned and two seemingly inserted - all within 24 hours. They showed up on their own; one was very jarring.

The planned experiences were delightful.

The back story: imagine/northampton has been invited by Vision New England to provide the music for and present a video about our church at their Annual Meeting in September. We will be one of 6 church plants in New England highlighted this year by them - a great opportunity we think.

To create the video, I asked Nate Oldham to film it for us. He graciously agreed, so last Friday he and his fiancee, Ashley Capozzoli came up to spend the day shooting. It was to be a short, 2 and a half-minute piece highlighting who we are and what we are in Northampton for. I had written the script for it and would be the "talking head." So we began late morning at Pulaski Park where the first two segments of the script were shot.

It went well after a few takes. I am not seasoned at this sort of thing, but with their helpful and gentle coaxing, I got the job done and will not wince when I see it on the big screen. After that portion, we headed over to shoot the last part on Kirkland Avenue, the curious, covered alley/street linking Pleasant Street to a parking lot behind Main Street. The plan was I would walk and talk the final monologue. It went well also.

As we were walking from the park to Kirkland we passed just by the parking garage and I happened to look to my right as we were talking. I noticed quickly a fire ambulance, police, and a small crowd gathered around the yellow tape people put up to cordon off crime or accident scenes. We walked a little farther looking to see what was happening.

That's when I saw him. Lying on the street, 10 yards or so from the entrance was a man. He was on his side and utterly motionless. From our vantage point we saw the top of his head, his arms bent up near his head and his shoulders. He was lying like a child sleeping on its side. While there was no gore we could see (nor did we want too, believe me), it was plain to all of us he was dead.

Out of respect for the dignity of this unfortunate person, we did not linger, but the effect of unexpectedly seeing death on a bright Friday morning with friends doing something exciting, did.

After the shoot, we met up with Tricia and had lunch together at Zen, a Japanese restaurant in town. The place is elegantly presented and the food delicious. It was wonderful for us to have a meal with Nate and Ash. After lunch, we wandered all over town as Nate took "b-roll" shots for the video. Life and creativity continued.

Fast forward to 7:15, Friday evening. Team member, Matt Bayne, and I agreed earlier in the week to meet at a local watering hole called The Dirty Truth (such a winsome name), for a grog and some catch-up conversation. He, Karen, and their boys just spent their first week in Northampton after moving from Tariffville.

The place was packed and we had to almost yell to hear each other amidst the din of conversations racing on all around us. If the truth is dirty nobody would hear it in that place! Nevertheless, as it always is with Matt or Karen, the conversation was rich, intellectually stimulating, honest, and funny. We spent a couple of hours there talking everything from Matt's work as a graphic novelist to the wildly peculiar realities of the quantum world. Life and connecting continued.

Now, those of you with dogs know there is an early morning ritual which must be performed or an unpleasant in-house incident will occur needing cleaning and disinfecting.

At the lovely hour of 4:30, Saturday morning, I trudged down our three flights of stairs with Tiger and headed out onto Main Street for his morning toilet and constitutional. As you know, it is still pretty dark. He has a tree just to the left of our front door he "anoints" every morning. Also right next to our door is the door to the adjacent building. The vestibule is quite sunken and very dark at night.

So as Tiger is doing his business, I hear a low voice coming from the vestibule. The voice seems not directed toward me. But, it is creepy and continues the entire time I am there. I cannot make out words. As I look hesitantly over my shoulder, I can make out what looks to be a baby carriage filled with stuff. Behind it, someone is scrunched up and huddled over, talking in a deep monotone the entire time we are there.

The encounter was disconcerting to say the least.

I realized later in talking with Tricia that she is a schizophrenic woman in town who spends her days wandering the streets, pushing the baby carriage and talking to herself. She lives in two worlds 24 hours a day - the one she shares with us physically, and the one of her own making.

**************

As I thought about what I experienced in Northampton those 24 hours, I am reminded once again of unsettling juxtapositions:

1. Death interrupts days crammed with ordinary and life-celebrating experiences. It can show up with a vicious suddenness and stop life in its tracks. In those instances, death is a cruel intruder, unwelcome, but hard to ignore. Death in front of our eyes grabs our attention.

2, Death always leaves me with a sense of sadness, and sometimes, with a profound sense of waste, even though I am resolved that there is true life after this death. I know everything matters, but still . . .

3. Death discolors an ordinary day; it leaves a stain hard to get out. I had to move on, but I was marked by the death of this stranger lying in the street. I still see is body dead on the street.

4. People trapped in severely broken minds always leave me feeling helpless and uncomfortable . . . and I am a counselor! It is as if the humanity of the person has been altered so radically that he or she lives an existence locked away from me. It is frightening and always unsettling. I feel I have no way in so I shy away.

5. Doing something creative and life-giving with gifted friends always makes me want to leap for joy. I cannot get enough! Even though death and disarray barged in for me to see briefly, I was also able to see grace spill over and friendship comfort.

6. To me, a life lived well includes creating art, having connecting conversations, and celebrating the wonder of loving, fruitful relationships in the midst of death and disarray taking center stage more than any of us want.

7. Death will intrude and sting, but God created life to refuse to be silenced or stifled. It will overwhelm death, and death will be no more.

Creativity, making videos, lunch with loved ones, a grog with a friend, and the simple routines of a day all point to the God of astonishing life which will not be denied, life that will interrupt death for good.

Jesus dies for 3 days 2000 years ago . . . and he woke up.

LIFE wins; death is hamstrung and will be put down forever someday. We can all count on it.

**************

Here's a thought: do something really alive after you read this and do it with someone else who really matters to you.

After Week One at Ground Zero.

Sometimes just showing up makes all the difference . . .

Starting from my encounter with Mike, the street person I have gotten to know, last week was a remarkable beginning compared to our previous year living in Sunderland and working in Northampton. As soon as we moved to Main Street contact with people we didn't know ramped up, especially people quite different from us.

It was exhilarating:

I am finding, given my natural motivation to pioneer, explore and go beyond, that I relish meeting and talking with new people, hearing their stories and sharing mine. Each person embodies a grand mystery revealed slowly as time is spent with him or her. Each is filled with exquisite potential for collaboration, creativity and Kingdom development. I love the possibility an encounter with the new person presents. I love the edginess pr depth they live. It catalyzes and refreshes me.

It was challenging:

Three of the four people I met are quite different from me, especially in their walk with Jesus. They have a radicality and Kingdom fearlessness stunning and humbling to experience. Each talked of living their lives free to do what is asked of them as they are asked, no matter the cost. They are fierce in their desire to be of use and to help people find Jesus. They don't look like, talk like me, or share my age. They are prophetic, street evangelists, healers, iconoclasts and redemptive subversives at heart. They are broken servants of the Most High God who live well in the unfolding unknown.

I am challenged by their freedom, but I also know we have something to give them through imagine. Each one said they are called to help us . . . in any way they can. God called them to do it. He brought us together.

Wow!

It is intriguing:

As I met each one I wondered what God has up his omniscient sleeve. Mid-week I mentioned to the Leadership Team that imagine/northampton will look very different from what we suspect if God continues to draw these kinds of folks. It will be more messy, surprising and even bewildering at times. We will learn much from them.

My conversations with these guys left me with an unshakable sense that imagine/northampton really is God's initiative and he will shape it as it furthers his interests according to his will. He will do it his way, period. We got the ball rolling with him, but there are others he will gather to lend their voices and gifts to how God wants to move us forward in the days ahead.

I love that!

Add to the mix that we got to spend half a day with Nate and Ashley, a young and very gifted couple of Jesus followers from CT who feel called to join us up here next year after they finish school and get married. Then, Matt and Karen Bayne moved into Northampton last weekend. Their arrival has been long awaited. What a joy for us to have them to be here finally. They are amazing people in their own right.

I also met some young street musicians, gave money away to street performers and panhandlers, and built a relationship with a man who provides homes and work for the homeless. We are going to have coffee this week so I can learn from him.

This weekend, Tricia and I will join friends from Steiger Intl. across the street to hang out with street kids and homeless folks. I will bring my Udo drum and do some playing too.

So last week left me exhilarated, challenged and intrigued. I like living this way, and I hope it will continue. If God adds making a real difference in Northampton for his Kingdom, we get to live a life better than we could ever cobble together on our own.

Make it so, Father . . . every last bit!

Who's Taking the Wheel Covers in Northampton?

Something very sinister is going on in Noho these days, I think. I began to notice it after one of the wheel covers on our mini-van went inexplicably missing. Yes, just gone like that!

As I drove around town I began to see other cars with only one wheel cover missing. They are often from older cars and on the left front tire (not exclusively though). As I paid more attention the puzzling phenomenon became more troubling. There are more than a few cars with just one wheel cover missing!

What's going on? What kind of catastrophe is just around the corner because of this maddening mystery?

Does it involve extraterrestrials? I know they're among us.

Is someone stockpiling for the revolution? I know it's coming.

Does it portend a fast approaching scarcity or rationing of wheel covers? It could happen.

Is this tied to the vile Obama plot to socialize America? You and I know that's what he's up to!

Or is it something freaky like a conceptual art piece that the participants (the hapless victims of the theft), do not realize they are part of? I am in Northampton you know.

What if my mind has been taken over by a megalomanic supercomputer, and I am seeing what is not really there, cruelly manipulated like some puppet. Why was I picked? Why?

Do we all need to be very afraid?

Please help me while there is still time. Ideas?