Nothing Ventured; Nothing Gained.

There' a well-worn proverb I've heard many times over the years, but it never embedded. Late last week, Tricia and I were watching a harmless reality show called North Woods Law. It's about the adventures and challenges of being a Game Warden in Maine. I watch because I love anything back country-open space. It's in my blood. These folks make their living in such environs.

Anyway, early in the show one of the Wardens has to check on a family that might be violent because of drug dealing, and the word is out they're keeping a ball python in their house. Twice in the first few minutes of the show, he says about checking things out, "Nothing ventured; nothing gained." Apparently, this proverb has a long history, the saying dates back to Chaucer (c. 1374).

For reasons I realize now, it stuck because God has been "prodding" me to finally address my life-long struggle with anxiety. I won't write about it now, but suffice it to say, it has caused problems in my life, and probably resulted in some losses.

"Nothing ventured; nothing gained," stood out and stuck in because the Holy Spirit has been dealing with my decades-long, irrational fear of asking for money. It could be asking clients to pay me for my work, including reminding them about it. I always felt uneasy about taking a paycheck because I've worked in non-profits for decades. This fear is nuts, but resiliently influential.

Skip forward to asking imagine donors to donate, and I lean toward panic. Procrastination is my shield. To be fair, I had an almost traumatic experience with asking for donations a decade ago. I was talked into it and then rebuked harshly by the very person who encouraged me to give it a try. Initiating the ask for money feels for me like intruding or stepping over a boundary. Yet,God's made it clear - even through Tricia - I am to get over my fear and ask with gentle assertiveness, i.e., nothing ventured; nothing gained. It's a responsibility I've been given:

Not venturing to ask is to refuse to offer others opportunity to give.

Not venturing to ask is to deny what God seeks to provide through his people.

Not venturing to ask is to deny his family the responsibility to give to his work.

Not venturing to ask allows the evil one to delay the progress of Kingdom mission through intimidation and lies.

What is not gained by asking is lost, or at the very least, delayed because of inaction. Anxiety becomes a wicked ally of cowardice, irresponsibility, and insipid resignation.

So. I'm gradually learning to silence this enemy in many areas of my life. I sincerely want to gain the ability to make the ask and watch what God provides through his generous ones. More importantly, I want finally to know I've taken a deeper responsibility for the work he's given us, and for the resources lying in wait for me to venture forth and receive from his hand.

I've begun to venture out, but please pray for me and hold me accountable. I'll need both for a while.

Meeting Eve, the Woman in the Outdoor Shower.

Yesterday I wrote of encountering an old woman taking a shower fully clothed next to the Boardwalk. At the end of the piece I mentioned wanting to be able to meet her, and perhaps talk with her. I was frustrated I didn't turn around and do so when we had the chance.

Well, early this morning she was again taking a shower fully clothed in the place where we first saw her. And again too, I didn't want to embarrass her by interrupting such a personal act as bathing -- even though she had to do it publicly with her back to the Boardwalk where people were passing by.

As we walked by both Tricia and I wanted to see her again. I prayed quietly God would arrange that. Sure enough, he did. Not more than 20-25 minutes later there she was heading toward us in the opposite direction. Immediately, we walked up to her. Curious thing is, as soon as she saw us she started to smile. I'm not sure why.  Her deeply-tanned face just lit up even though she had no teeth. We stopped to talk, and Tricia handed her some money telling her to have something to eat. She thanked her. I asked her name. Immediately she said, "Eve." We offered our names and shook her hand. She didn't appear nervous or perturbed by our little meeting.

I then asked if she was homeless? She said with no hesitation, "Yes, for 15 years." Tricia asked if she had a place to stay. She added again very quickly  that (her homelessness) "was ending because the issue with the wallpaper store was being taken care of." We took it to mean she'd no longer be homeless and someone was handling the matter for her. Hmmmm.Was it all in her mind? Did something happen to a business she or her family once had? Was she injured in such a store or fired unfairly? Was she mentally ill? We don't know, and very likely she might not either. Being on the street for 15 years, if that's true, changes how a person views reality. Their world has been turned and left upside down, and because of the hardness of street-life, truth and fantasy can blur to suit the situation or sometimes just survive.You and I live a very different reality.

The conversation ended with we saying we were praying for her. Her face brightened again and she exclimed with verve, "Keep up the good work!"

Tomorrow if we see her, I'm going to find out if there's a way we can help her connect with someone to get off the street. She's a veteran of this life to be sure, but perhaps there's someone who has a fresh take on helping people like her in Atlantic City. There are many by the way. It might seem peculiar to say it, but she might not want anything to do with living off the street. We've met a number of folks in Northampton who have said that to us. Who knows if they mean it forever, but some mean it for, "Until I'm ready."

Pray we see her again tomorrow!!!

An Old Woman Taking a Shower Outdoors Fully-Clothed.

Sometimes you just "chance" upon something profoundly sad and disturbing. It sets you on your heals a little. The scene assaults your sense of "today will be a normal day." But when you experience it, your mind replays what you saw, and each time, you feel a stab of pain, or "I hate this!" How long, Lord?

Earlier this morning, Tricia and I went for a long walk on the Boardwalk, beginning in Ventnor, and heading north to Atlantic City. While there were a usual assortment of walkers, riders and runners, young and old, the "traffic' was lighter than the summer hordes. The day was warm and muggy; there was some fog blowing off the ocean and enshrouding the casinos a couple of miles down where we were heading.

A few minutes past the Ventnor-Atlantic City line, I happened to notice to my right an old woman-taking a cold shower at the outdoor showers near the Boardwalk. Swimmers use it to wash off the sand and salt. What caught my eye was that she stayed fully-clothed while she washed. Her hands were under her clothes as she bathed. I understand why. It must be agonizingly humiliating to have to shower at all in a very public place because you have nowhere else to do so. For an old women to have to do so must be horrifying.

To be honest, I didn't  look for more than 2-3 seconds. I didn't want to embarrass her, and frankly, I was felt a rush of sadness at what her life left her to do. She had to be in her late 60's. She was tanned, wearing what looked to be stuff she's scrounged, or had been given to her in a shelter. She had her possessions in a stroller-like contraption and little else.What shame she's had to bear.

Where was her family? Where were her friends? How did her life get to this place of showering in a public shower with strangers jogging by for their morning constitutional? More than likely she was not "living her dream," -  if she'd ever had the chance try in the first place.

Seeing her suffering (trust me it's suffering, no matter how self-sufficient, high or seemingly OK these folks look to be), left me angry and sad, frustrated, and a little depressed. I really hate that situations such as hers happen at all, no matter who's at fault. The human condition because of sin and failure, and the putrid fruit of inhumanity always feels wrong. The world was not made to be a playscape for sorrow and pain and loneliness.

I've never been OK with what folks like her must endure. I often feel powerless, at best, to do much about it, almost stymied to make any real dent in the waste of lives I witness.

Anyway, our lives crossing with her's did not end there.

Heading back , maybe 20-25 minutes, later we encountered her again. She was sitting on a bench which populate the Boardwalk here and there. As we approached her, about 10 yards in front of us, she got up, gathering her "stroller" and assorted stuff, and started to walk toward us to our left. As she got within earshot she said twice (with increasing vehemence), "That's just shower water!." At first, I had no idea what she was talking about until I looked down at the bench where she'd sat. It was wet.

I almost wanted to cry. Tricia turned back toward her as she walked and said, "That's OK." It all felt very awkward. For some reason, she wanted us to know she'd not relieved herself on the bench. The truth is, I don't know if she did or didn't, and I wouldn't have cared either way. I wanted her to know that she is a person, and I don't know what I'd be like if I was in her shoes.

I wanted to turn and give her some money, but that felt pointless. What would that really do to relieve her of having to take outdoor showers in front of Boardwalkers, or whatever other indignities she's learned to adapt to? We've given money to all sorts of homeless folks in Northampton. After awhile, it seems like an impotent gesture of acquiescence to "it is what it is."

I want to be a part of a more substantial solution. It's tied to the Gospel. It's tied to the Kingdom of Christ. It's tied the the church of the broken and "once we were forlorn and lost."

Seeing her darkened the entire day for me. I just felt low and out of sync. I'm noticing more and more of this kind of thing, even in Northampton. People are slipping through the cracks in increasing numbers, the elderly included. I'm not sure that's going to change because of the milk of human kindness, gift cards and food stamps.

Nevertheless, if I get to see her tomorrow or the next day, I'll give her money for food, and perhaps talk with her -- maybe even pray for her a bit. I don't know, but I need to extend kindness and compassion. I don't think she gets much of that these days or if ever.

imagine/Northampton's First Christmas Giveaway.

Last Saturday was a sunny, but cold and blustery day. You noticed the bite because of the wind. Three weeks prior, I'd sent out an invitation to imagine's supporters and friends giving them the opportunity to donate so we could buy a bag or two to hand out to homeless men and women on the street. We figured they'd be between $20-25 per bag. The folks generously sent nearly $1000!

We had different bags for men and women. Each was chock-full of things such as:

• gift cards for food and phone calls, appointment books (recommended by the Interfaith Shelter),
• gloves, scarves, t-shirts, and socks, hand sanitizer,
• washcloths, shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, brushes, hairspray, Blistex, body lotion, hand wipes,
• nail clippers, Kleenex, razors, appointment books (recommended by the Interfaith Shelter),
• candies

Southwick Community Episcopal Church even donated 10 blankets for us to give away. The bags were bursting. It was amazing to see them all lined up ready to go. We had 36 in all.

Before we went out we paired up into 5 teams, figured out who was going to go where, and prayed for God's favor to lead us to people who could really use what we had to give. We also wanted to delight them as a measure of the gracious and unexpected love of God.

As we were putting the bags together some of us noted that due to the wind and cold, it appeared there weren't many homeless out. I noticed none of the folks I routinely see and talk to were in their usual spots. Drat! We really wanted to give away all the bags we had.

So out the door we went. Tricia and I headed west up Main Street. We encountered a Vet in a wheelchair who collects money for other Vets. He's friendly and talkative. We approached him and said "this is for you. Merry Christmas (You got it. We didn't say "happy holidays"). We handed him a blanket too. His eyes were wide open with surprise and he started to cry. I asked him his name and told him God loves him and he responded that God loves me too. He asked if he could give it to someone more needy and we agreed. He is a generous man and cares for homeless folks even though he's in a wheelchair. I've seem him do it.

We moved on and gave one to Daniel, a street musician who "works hard for the money." He's out there playing guitar and singing no matter the cold, heat or precipitation. He smiled, nodded his head in thanks and said "God bless you," before picking up the tune where he'd left off.

We crossed Main Street and saw a young man sitting with a guitar in front of one of the candy stores in town. I walked up to him and repeated what I'd said to the first two. He was completely surprised and said "For me?" He seemed a little shell-shocked and thanked me as well. Later, he'd find us, give it back and ask us to give it to someone more needy as he was not homeless. His honesty was refreshing. In the next half hour, we encountered 5 more men, but no women. By then, the word was getting around that someone was handing out stuff and to be on the lookout. They were.

The entire walkabout and search for people took about an hour, I think. People were heading back to imagine because we were going to have lunch together after the Giveaway. We were all chilled, but felt pretty good we'd been able to hand out 24 of the 36 bags even though the "regulars" weren't around at all. In the days since, Tricia and I've found a few of them and given them blankets and bags. Some of the folks we usually see still aren't on the street. If we can't before next Wednesday, we will give them to the Northampton Interfaith Shelter. One way or the other, they'll get to people who need them.

As I think about our first try at this, I realize we had little idea what to expect: How would people respond? Would we insult anyone by assuming they were homeless and try to give them a bag? Would we hesitate or would it feel awkward all of us parading around with gift bags full of stuff and blankets under our arms? We stood out after awhile. As I said, the word got around and fast.

In the end, I think we experienced doing another "let's see what happens" team event again, and are learning about the people in this town, who we are as imagine/Northampton, and how God is using us to gently build relationships with folks. We really are in still the learning phase of the mission and maybe will always be. We have few answers these days, but the mission is God's and he has us working it with him.

Also, gathering together over a meal, kids and all, and hanging out after is solidifying us as a community. We like being around each other and sharing this imagine/Northampton adventure as friends around Jesus, each in our own way. That day was a pleasure and a gift to us.

It remains a remarkable joy to me to give and see people be delighted, even moved. Kindness and generosity are lovely gestures of God's affection for people even far from him, or folks whose brokenness now defines all their days. Just being around God's kindness and generosity lifts my spirit. And Christmas is the perfect time to do this reflecting of God's love in giving his son to the world. Christmas should never be the only time for doing so, however.

In many ways, imagine/Northampton's Christmas Giveaway was a simple and small gesture that might not change anyone's

Lastly, seeing the imaginistas all bundled up and out on the street, in the wind and cold, trying to bless people was a happiness to me too. It feels like "this is what we're to be about:" giving, helping, blessing and recognizing people who may have made a frightful mess of things, or maybe have experienced setbacks and horrors which crushed their spirits. I don't know for sure, but I love seeing imagine/Northampton embracing such loving enterprise.

The Kingdom of God is revealed and present when we all do this sort of thing, whether spontaneously or planned. It's our task as Jesus-followers to carry his love to everyone so they might see him, even if its just something like a blanket or gift bag at Christmas time.

Father, give your people everywhere more more opportunity to do these kinds of things and infinitely more. Make us fully willing and able to follow through.