When The Knock Out Punch Seems Delivered, The Cross and Resurrection of Christ Prevail.

Yesterday I had the privilege of bringing the message to a community of Christ-followers a few miles north of us. We've come know some of the people there and were looking forward to seeing a couple we'd gotten to know pretty well who'd recently been through a devastating attack to their homestead and farm. God gave me a message I knew would be a comfort to them and anyone else going through the unthinkable. I wanted to refresh and encourage them that El Roi, (the God Who Sees Me) in Genesis 16:13, was going to walk with them through this.

Early last Wednesday Bob and Lisa were awakened in the middle of the night by a loud bang and a vehicle leaving quickly. Something wasn't right. Upon going outside to see what was happening they were assaulted by the terrible sight of one of their two barns being engulfed in flames. The fire was roaring leaving no chance to extinguish it. Soon, the second barn would be destroyed too.Worse still, it had been deliberately set by the hand of a family member.

Added to their horror, was the reality that in one barn they'd housed all the tools Bob collected over the years and used in his business. In the other barn was furniture, personal records, and family stuff they were storing until a new home was built beginning in a few weeks. They'd been temporarily residing in a modular home across the street. In other words, they lost almost everything in a few minutes. You can imagine what it must to have been like to stand there knowing what was happening. And their realization that one of their own kin did this deliberate act of violence and contempt, could have been a knock-out punch.

But it wasn't. These folks are resilient, hardworking, do-what-it-takes-to-get-it-done people. They shed tears and felt the shock of what was happening for sure, but the very next day, they took one of the most beautiful actions I've ever heard of.

They decided the evil one would not succeed in trying to destroy them. Bob told me, as his barns were burning down, he said directly to the devil he could go ahead and take all his tools and furniture, but God would restore it seven to ten-fold. In other words, "you will not destroy us because we belong to Christ!"
Then the very next day, he and Lisa found two very large pieces of wood, and decided they'd put together a cross. They thought the best place to put it would be right in the middle of the scorched earth where the barns had been.

So they dug a hole, built the cross together --which turned out to be 16 feet tall and very heavy -- and drug it slowly across the road where it stands today as a testimony to the reality of Christ in the midst of devastating attack.

The Cross and Resurrection of Christ Prevail!

They said yesterday because the barns were built in the 19th century, and had been told of the very real possibility of being placed on the National Historic Register, they would do everything they could to rebuild them just as they were.

The Cross and Resurrection of Christ Prevail!

They also testified to the goodness of God in that the fire came right up to where their berry bushes were, and damaged none of them.These folks are gradually building a farming business too. They would've had to start from scratch and miss out on needed income from this growing season. Bob also told me he had more work for his business to do than he could handle and had to add new employees last week. He also said friends in the business offered him the use of their tools as well.

The Cross and Resurrection of Christ Prevail!

Because these people are followers of Jesus and know forgiveness is the life they are called to, they  must come to grips with forgiving this person in their family. Both of them acknowledged it will take awhile, but they want to do what Jesus has called them to as forgiven people.

 The Cross and Resurrection of Christ Prevail!

I have to say my own load was lightened yesterday by their courage in the midst of sorrow, pain, and loss. I could see through their example a way I should view the trials and challenges we are currently facing. While our trying circumstances are different, we have felt in the last 6 weeks as if Satan's was attempting a knock-out punch for the McDermott's. But Jesus showed me through the words of these two not-gonna-quit followers of his that because the cross and resurrection of Christ prevails, I must do the same in attitude and action as them. The fight goes on and my Lord has overcome the world, including my world.

Talking to them was an unexpected gift. Their spirit and grit left me feeling hopeful, even refreshed a little. I told them we'd love to help in the clean-up or anything else they need. I hope they let us. For now, their church has gathered around them, and will fight side by side through love, giving and service until God is glorified. They will show forth generosity in all manner of ways, and I suspect Christ will marshal His followers who hear the story of the cross planted where two barns burned to the ground

The Cross and Resurrection of Christ Prevail!

Gratitude: The Spiritual Discipline of Training The Heart And Steering The Mind Toward Grace and Goodness.

On March 26th, 2013, I wrote a blog entitled Do You have Wonder Deficit Disorder - http://oldmenplantingchurches.blogspot.com/2013/03/do-you-have-wonder-deficit-disorder.html . In it I wrote the following:

"Wonder requires a belief in the possibility of some sort of enticing MEANING or ORDER or MYSTERY behind all meaning, including what the senses apprehend as design or pattern. A mystery hides in the fact there is anything wonderful at all. People experience it, if they pay attention or give thought, moments of joy or delight or beauty which can transport them into a momentary lightness of being they want to repeat. Wonder is experiencing a deep pleasure of the heart and a magnificent delight to the senses, or the mind. The heart was made with a natural capacity for wonder, and enchantment and delight. The mind wants to "see" what it is and apprehend its meaning. That's not all the heart or mind were made for, but few of us cultivate their abilities to respond with wonder easily to all the miraculous populating our days.
 

Wonder Deficit Disorder keeps its victims from closely looking, deeply listening, richly tasting, exquisitely feeling, or pondering contemplatively. They live as surface dwellers unaware, creatures of habit caught in an affective sleepwalk - blind to much beyond the prurient, entertaining, or 'shocking'."

While I was writing about a "disorder" not clinically recognized, the post did highlight the notion we fly through our days often like Mad Hatters. Time for contemplation comes in short supply after a while. Contemplation, reflection and noticing take a back seat in a very long bus. But it is those three spiritual "tools" which make it possible to develop a way of life where gratitude becomes a wide lens through which we learn to appreciate the lavish beneficence of the One who called us by name. We are trained by it to see all the good God does for us each day. Spiritual disciplines serve to train us in

• Knowing Christ.

• Understanding what he has revealed to us.

• Understanding to what he summons us .

• Understanding how the Kingdom life is lived and what is priceless in his eyes. 

Their practice is for our freeing and deepening in following Jesus.

So what is gratitude exactly? Put simply, The Oxford Dictionary Online (American Version) defines it as: "the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness." I like the definition being put as a quality of being and a readiness to respond in kind. Living the way of thankfulness, appreciation and kindness seems to me to be at the heart of following Jesus. He reminds us that, "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Learning from and letting the Holy Spirit train us in gratitude will enable us to see real treasures adorning our ordinary days, including some of the toughest days.

To help you, below is a simple way to practicing the spiritual discipline of gratitude. It's best to work on it daily, but every other day will be effective also. The goal is for it to become a way of seeing grace and goodness everywhere. It's a matter of being able to look for and notice much in the same way an artist sees the interplay of light, and shade or subtleties of form and texture, or a musician hears tonal textures and rhythmic subtleties. They've learned how to look and what to look for.

STEP ONE:  NOTICING

Noticing is the practice of paying attention rather than be on autopilot; it’s stopping to look so you can really see;  listen so you can really hear; linger so you can really taste; smell so you can really savor; touch so you can really feel what’s actually there. It's turning the attention to something intriguing, curious, or inviting. There is something more to the eye deserving a closer look or a more careful listening. In noticing, you pause to take in what has caught your attention; to examine it more closely. There seems more than a first glance warrants.

Noticing as a spiritual discipline is the act of deliberately stopping to examine, ponder or apprehend. Regarding grace and goodness, it's like combing through the thoughts, activities and relationships of the day to see where grace paid a visit or came in disguise; where goodness caused a smile, leaving your load lightened or something set to right. Someone or something pointed you to the love of God, and it was refreshing.

A helpful way to begin practicing the spiritual "tool" of noticing is to stop for a moment each evening and ask questions such as: What did I actually notice today? Did I overlook God's benevolent Presence and action toward me anywhere? What grace did I experience? Where was God good to me even if I deserved something far less? Where was my heart lifted to blessing and my mind pulled toward truth? Where did he challenge, chasten, or discipline me? Where did I fill my day with my most familiar and treasured distractions?

The ultimate goal of of step one in this spiritual discipline is to be able to notice the Presence and activity of God in and around you through the Holy Spirit who is always at work summoning us toward Christ and His Kingdom, and thus away from that which will never bring life or freedom however momentarily sparkly.

STEP TWO: SAVORING

Savoring I find to be in short supply with many people most of the time. Our over-committed, over-scheduled, pixilated, hurry-up lives don't readily foster this next step very much. It also requires attending to grace and goodness, but with a steadier gaze.  Put simply it's the benign practice of gradually developing an ability to linger with and delight in something of great worth or substantial pleasure, to thus train the heart and steer the mind toward the grace and goodness we want to recognize.

Savoring can be defined as to enjoy or appreciate (something pleasant) completely, especially by dwelling on it (Oxford Online Dictionary - American Version). Taking the time to linger with what you've noticed or experienced so you can take in why is admirably true, exquisitely beautiful, or stunningly good. Dwelling in such an experience lends the time needed to really look at it to see it's goodness or cause for delight. It might be feeling deeply what you're experiencing as being wonderful or praiseworthy. Perhaps it's thinking long and hard on something yielding treasures of wisdom and truth. Maybe it's just enjoying ice cream, a crackling fire on cold day. Or it's the exhilaration of climbing to the peak of a mountain and being able to see for miles. Savoring causes you to pause and abide with what has captured your attention. Savoring also trains your heart to open you to the lavishness of God's creative and sustaining grace revealing goodness beyond parallel. His goodness unlocks your heart a little at a time; savoring gives such unlocking necessary time.

Savoring is a spiritual discipline of trusting, yielding, opening to linger and experience fullness. 

STEP THREE: THANKING

Thanking the our Father, the Creator, and Sustainer, Jesus our Savior, Liberator, Friend and Lord, and the Holy Spirit, our Helper, Teacher and Revelator is the wise and good response of everyone who has learned to notice then savor all the grace and goodness everywhere. Consider these texts and quotes:

Psalm 107:1: Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! 

Psalm 100:1-5: A Psalm for giving thanks. Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. 

Colossians 3:15-7: And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. 

“Gratitude bestows reverence.....changing forever how we experience life and the world.”
― John Milton

“[Gratitude is] an ancient cornerstone of prayer is that our desire to thank God is itself God's gift. Be grateful.”
― Richard Leonard

“As we learn to give thanks for all of life and death, for all of this given world of ours, we find a deep joy. It is the joy of trust, the joy of faith in the faithfulness at the heart of all things. It is the joy of gratefulness in touch with the fullness of life.” ― David Stendl-Rast

Thanking God for everything is the sweet fruit of learning to notice and savor his lavish, abiding grace. His goodness is radiant in and through his grace which we have learned to notice more and more. In our learning, we come to savor the richness of what he has given us every day. We linger to apprehend, taste, see, hear, and feel what is before us on any given day: simple gifts exquisitely precious. We are thanking him for their presence in our lives. Even our routines within an ordinary day is chocked full of reminders to be thankful because God has given them. We can find his grace and goodness nestled there. Even hard days, boring days, unbearable days are full of grace and enfolding goodness. Because we've learned to be thankful from knowing how to notice with a heart trained to savor, gratitude slowly yields a manner of being and a way of walking closely with Christ.

I encourage you to begin practicing this spiritual discipline of gratitude. Start by asking for God's help in beginning and continuing. Ask him to open your eyes so you can really see. Clear a space in your life, an oasis of time where you can notice the abundance all around you; savor some of the most beautiful or good, and then offer thanksgiving and praise. Do so at work, in the neighborhood, when you're running errands, going for a walk...anywhere.  Just do it.

To help you remember:

In NOTICING, we entice our hearts and open our minds toward God's goodness and grace.

In SAVORING, we settle our hearts in and fine-tune our minds to God's goodness and grace.

In THANKING, we liberate our hearts and elevate our minds in God's goodness and grace.

Adversity and Re-tooling

Persisting readers of my blog might recall how I've written occasionally about the struggles we have faced in launching, planting, and growing imagine/Northampton. We came here almost six years ago with strong faith, high hopes, but modest financial resources. We were all true amateurs at the outset with substantial ministry experience, but not as church planters. In trying to record my experience I would mention the financial and ministry challenges we experienced after the first year: much of it having to do with being a small church persistently under-resourced. It's not that people didn't give; they did and they do, but it's never covered what we needed, especially in terms of our salaries.

Recently, as some of you became aware, we reached a crisis at the end of last year, and God supplied wonderfully. What we didn't know, but soon were made aware is we owed more to our landlord. At first, the news felt a blow to the head coming out of nowhere. We thought we'd caught up only to find we were still in the hole. For a couple of days we were really confused and discouraged - shell-shocked actually. What did this mean? How come we were unaware of falling behind? Why didn't our landlord say anything before? We felt pretty forlorn, salted liberally with embarrassment and shame.

As we tried to get our bearings, and process what to do, Tricia remembered God had told her in prayer, early in January, we were to prepare for a battle and not be passive. She was not sure what the battle was beyond the spiritual scraps we've learned to fight regularly since coming up from Simsbury. Then a few weeks ago, someone who's a part of imagine, when I told the story, noted God wanted to tell me something, but this person had no idea of the context at first. She received from God I was to "stick with it." Both of those warnings bolstered us to leave the pity party early and take action.

First, we let the Board know we needed help to tackle head on what has become a frustrating problem and an unexpected setback A couple weeks prior we sat down with two of them and laid out the numbers. They asked about where our hearts were regarding imagine, and where we wanted to head, or if we still had passion for this mission, given the struggle it's been. These folks care for us and have for a long time. We processed those questions honestly looking at fatigue, the effects of discouragement, and what we wanted to do, if anything, to address and change the situation. The process was helpful, even encouraging. We looked at hard questions, including changing our direction personally.

Once we prayed (praying has been taking our center stage for a while now), we asked one member of the Board to look closely at the numbers, ours and imagine's to come up with an effective budget. He's really good at that stuff. It's important to note here when we gave the Board members an income and expenses sheet, they were encouraging in that, while there were clear problems to solve, it was not a disaster. They needed to be addressed, but abandoning ship wasn't a foregone conclusion. I can't tell you how relieved we were to have the prayer and practical support these Board folks brought. We didn't feel so alone and overwhelmed. The long and the short of it is we'll have a budget strategy which accurately reflects and addresses the financial state of the church. A good first step; one we should have secured in place long ago.

Another step we're taking is to engage imagine folks about who we are and where we see God leading us together. We've started letting them know we're in this process and have persisting financial challenges which affect focus and effort. In a few weeks, we'll have a dialogue about vision, calling and strategy with everyone in the church. We want them to contribute because they are imagine/Northampton, not they go to imagine/Northampton. We want the collective wisdom from people listening to God as one people, praying and seeking how we can best fulfill our work of helping anyone discover and follow the God who is more than they imagine. While the path ahead might not be easy, it will be shared. Some of the Board will be there as well.

It's equally clear to me I must find ways to make more money to support our household. We and others in the church have been praying for a number of months I'd have more paying clients for counseling and spiritual direction. I want to take some of that burden off Tricia who's struggling with burnout. Also, I'd especially like to re-ignite my PLAYMAKER Profile of Motivational Gifts work. One of the Board members is encouraging me to revisit the opportunity, and get more focused on building that part of what I've offered the past 30 years. He has business acumen. I could use a generous dollop of that to work smarter. I'm also looking to do more retreats and perhaps speaking opportunities.

Then, as these past few weeks have unfolded, I've been told twice in one week to contact a foundation which supports churches in New England with different approaches to being church and being missional. The two people who brought it up without prompting from me said virtually the same thing a few days apart. I need to listen to their counsel also, and follow through. I will be doing so after a discernment process of what to ask for and why. Yesterday someone asked if I'd be willing to ask larger churches to help; that's on the table too.

To sum up, our fresh wave of adversity since mid-January has served to prompt us and imagine to consider re-tooling. I like the word "re-tool." It captures the notion of making changes to improve effectiveness or desired ends. No one's talking about completely throwing out all we've done and been as  imagine. However, it does mean wisely discerning what our problems are insinuating so we might make necessary adjustments for the future. In a way, everything's on the table including the vision of where we seek to be, and how we have to get there in light of what God wants, and why He's gotten us this far.

Adversity is an adroit teacher, yet an often-unwelcome opportunity to mature spiritually, relationally or professionally. It calls out courage, wisdom, flexibility, humility and endurance. Dug-in adversity rarely feels good, but yields much good, often unexpectedly, which can result by yielding to its, "I ain't going away until you ..." challenge. I've noticed too, God uses adversity, even suffering to gradually turn a spiritually surficial and juvenile faith into one of grit, unforeseen resourcefulness ... even joy. In a good way, adversity has the power to poke and re-poke slumbering hearts to create a faith which holds on while staying a gaze on Christ, the One who went through horrific adversity to defeat death and make creation new. 

Re-tooling is just common sense when the way one is going does not work or works ineffectively requiring change - even for churches. Re-tooling is working smart as God's reality warrants it. Unseen or developed opportunities come into view and potential beckons. We don't throw out the baby with the bathwater, rather we give the baby more nourishment and room to grow, with better care based on what must be done to help it thrive. If the effort is stumbling; it's stumbling forward; gaining ground as we learn and mature, even if by inches sometimes.Wisdom says we re-tool until God's picture comes in view, and whenever change is necessary to stay His course.

I don't know where the hard work we're doing now will take us, but like faraway stars on a hazy night, opportunities appear faintly twinkling now. We just need to head-out for them; letting our Captain get us there.

Living From An Examined Narrative Identity; An Attestation Of Sorts.

I'm re-reading Tim Keller's The Reason For God. I've been re-reading a number of books over the last 6 months. I find it refreshing to revisit texts important to my spiritual formation, including some of the very first books I read as a new believer. They were over my head at the time, but now have riches I can appreciate and absorb.

As I was up hours before dawn this morning, I returned to Reason for God and was stuck by a couple of sentences in Chapter One entitled, There Can't Be Just One Religion:

"What is religion then? It is a set of beliefs that explain what life is all about, who we are, and the most important things that human beings should spend their time doing."

"Notice that this (i.e., the material world is all there is) is not an explicit 'organized' religion, it contains a master narrative, an account about the meaning of life along with a recommendation for how to live based on that account of things."

"Everyone lives and operates out of some narrative identity, whether it is thought out and reflected upon or not. All who say 'You ought to do this,' or 'You shouldn't do that' reason out of such an implicit moral and religious position."

So what is a narrative? According the the Oxford Dictionaries Online it's: (a) The narrated part or parts of a literary work, as distinct from dialogue; (b) The practice or art of telling stories;  (c) A representation of a particular situation or process in such a way as to reflect or conform to an overarching set of aims or values. Put simply, my narrative identity includes how I understand myself based from my core values, life choices, people I've known and learned from, my gains ans loses; what I've embraced and given myself to for almost 65 years.

Prior to being enticed and found by Christ in 1972, my narrative identity was formed by life in the McDermott family with my father, mother, younger brother, grandmother, and aunts, uncles, and cousins in Albuquerque New Mexico. This identity was also shaped by school chums, girlfriends and the strong family culture of being a middle-class, Irish-Catholic white people in the diverse racial mix of the Southwest. This unfolding identity included the various neighborhoods in which I lived, the liberal Democratic politics my parents embraced and I heard debated; where I went to school from kindergarten to university; being in Cub Scouts, playing baseball, watching television, hiking in the Sandias, having my first jobs, taking lessons and learning to play drums, then becoming a musician.

When I  became a Christ-follower and soon after a husband, my narrative identity changed radically regarding how I understood myself, what life actually meant; what the good - as in virtuous, moral, loving, true - life looked like apart from much of what I assumed prior. I changed my understanding and conformed my way of life around what really mattered as defined by following Christ. I still worked and lived in American culture, but not in an unexamined way. I now had a narrative identity which challenged the story I'd lived before and the meaning of life I'd accepted uncritically: as in what really is of transcendent worth and what isn't.

While the recognizability and expressing of my personality did not alter genetically at regeneration, my narrative identity was revolutionized spiritually, ethically and morally: first below the surface and then in my attitudes and behaviors as i took seriously the reality of sin. I gave my heart to the way of life revealed in the Scriptures and let be influenced by the indwelling unction of the Spirit. I became a new creation and still remained Kit within this new narrative identity.

Forty-two years later, the narrative identity I live today has matured, expanded, deepened, and transformed me beyond what I couldn't have even conceived when I agreed with Christ to give him me. I cannot see any other identity as being of more worth than this one which has bound my heart to the most meaningful STORY in the universe; in fact, the one which gives inestimable value to, animates, and sustains all of Creation. I still live it needing help daily, but this narrative compels and sustains me like no other. I neither seek nor desire  another spiritual identity. I apprehend no other narrative through which people find essential meaning, whether it be political, social, professional, ethnic, sexual, artistic, cultural, or national that would have the power to draw my heart away toward a new narrative identity. I've examined them all and can find no equivalently transcendent meaning which compares in ultimate value. Certainly, there is value and meaning in all of them, but not in a first things way.

Based on the last forty-two years of discovery, exploration, and growth, I can't predict how my narrative identity will continue to develop, but I can attest I will stay put in my Christ-knowing, Christ-loving and Christ-following narrative until my days come to an end here. I've much still to learn and change and grasp, but I've had four-plus decades to examine Christ and His patient, gracious work with the likes of me. Nothing else in this mysterious, beautiful, tormented, astounding  Creation compares; not even close.

Frosty the Ice Man of Faith.

I was out for a walk early mid-morning today. I had to run some errands related to the snowstorm. As is the case most mornings some of the guys who stand on Main Street hoping to get a few bucks for a cup of coffee and bagel, or secure enough to buy food for the day were out and "at work." I chatted with one; gave him a couple of dollars, and asked how much he needed for the day, and told him I'd ask the Lord to supply over his request. At first he looked confused, but then smiled with an "I didn't expect that!" smile.

I've asked today more than once on his behalf.

A half a block up standing under the Thornes' green awning was a man I met literally the second or third day I started living on Main Street. He's been on Main Street since we moved in, but he lives on the street, mostly out in the elements 24/7, 365 days of the year. He's a hardy soul with true grit and a stubborn will. I asked where he'd slept last night and he told his "usual place," (I know where it is), adding, "When I got up this morning I was Frosty the Ice Man, and it shattered off me like glass." He laughed. I was out in the storm yesterday; it was not pleasant with the low temps and the wind.

This guy is tough and ornery. He mentioned the other guys on the street have learned to stay out of his way when he's cold and wet. He hates being wet while cold. I responded, "You've trained them well." He nodded. I asked him how he was doing. He answered: "God provides, as He always does." This man talks alot about God and faith and trust. I see him often with his head buried in the Scriptures and he attends a church once a week. He said he's learned to trust Him for all his needs. God supplies. By the way, he's never asked for money from me. And he doesn't do drugs.

I asked if there was a light at the end of the tunnel with finding a place to live. He said: "God has not given me that yet. So I'll trust Him." He's told me before why he's had to be on the street for a long time. He says it was a gross injustice. Maybe so. I don't know one way of the other. I won't pry.

I told him things have been especially tough for us lately, and gave him the details. He was genuinely surprised. I think he thought we were well off or something. He reiterated with some vehemence that the key was to trust God no matter what - no matter what you lose, or go through, or have to endure.

It was the Holy Spirit. I would realize that later in the day..

I like this man a lot. He's real and feisty and fierce for God. He's one of those guys that do the tough things in life and don't quit. He's taught me survival is possible in the meanest of conditions; he shows up everyday and looks for God.

I know some of us will ask, "Why doesn't he just go get a job?" "Why doesn't he take initiative and get on with building a life?" But we don't have any idea what's so impenetrably in the way even if it's just in his head. Since we've been here he's tried to get work and it has gone nowhere; not unusual for folks living on the street. He seems a man convicted God will supply his need and God alone. I respect his resolve. I've tried to challenge it over the years with my best reasoning and he sticks to his guns. He'll have none of it.

So, I pray while he and we are still in Northampton, God would meet him where he is, and reward the stubborn faith of this trusting man who's put his full weight on the belief God will answer and supply.

My Training to Trust Christ Continues.

It's been a month since my last post. I have no clear idea of why I dried up a bit other than I didn't have that urge to comment on what I was experiencing or thinking about; nothing felt very compelling. I didn't want to fill your reading space with blah-bady-blah-blah.

But what I experienced yesterday morning caught my attention. First, let me give a little background. On December 27th of last year I wrote a blog entitled Wandering From My Comfort Zone Last Week:
 http://oldmenplantingchurches.blogspot.com/2013/12/wandering-from-my-comfort-zone-last-week.html. In it I talked about how my Lord:

"continues putting me into situations where I've never been. They are more stretching than the ones before because I have either no actual expertise in the task or new adventure I tackle, or I feel exposed because doing so increasingly puts me in circles of relationship new or foreign to me. Looking back over five and a half years, I recognize coming to Northampton has been one continuing series of new encounters and endeavors involving all sorts of folks I've never really been around."

I've learned in fits and starts to see following as His disciple includes many opportunities for stretching and deepening. Spiritual maturity is not a vitamin you can take daily with orange juice; it's a more like fitness training sessions where you're challenged incrementally  to get stronger, be more flexible, endure more, and  grow more ready to be of use when the Master summons you to a task, mission or journey.

Often too, God in His unparalleled wisdom will surprise us with one of those "what are you gonna do with this?" experiences. They are often unexpected, and  "Oh, man! What???" unsettling. Yet they can yield  astonishing growth.

Well, yesterday morning, I was on tap to give the message for my friend, Pastor Keith Tolley, at the Greenfield Alliance Church. It was to be the third time I'd spoken there. I know some of the folks because I counsel at the church one day a week. As you'd assumed, I did my preparation and felt ready to share what I'd been given. I also needed to pack a change of clothes because I'd be heading to Hopkinton right after to fetch Tricia and visit our son, daughter-in-law and grand-kiddoes. Normally, I don't wear a jacket and tie to speak as it's gotten more informal on Sunday morning in many churches. Yesterday, I just decided to dress more formally, so I'd need to change when I got to our kid's house. The morning was full of stuff to do.

So, off I went up I-91 for the half hour drive to Greenfield. About twenty minutes out I had an "OH NOOOO!"  thought that I couldn't remember picking up my notes from the dining room table and either putting them in my backpack with the change of clothes, or carrying them by hand to the car. Realizing they were still at home, and I didn't have time to go back to retrieve them would normally give me panicky jolt of anxiety and thus ratchet up my ADD distractability.  From past experience, I guarantee I'd be pretty disoriented.

You see, I'd never left my notes before in all the retreats, classes, seminars and sermons I'd given over the years. I like notes. They anchor my "oh, look ... a bird!" mind to what I'm trying to say. They're like a trusted co-pilot or navigator. They'd not get the chance this time.

But something remarkable and I'd almost say unique to my experience occurred.  The Holy Spirit calmed me within a minute. It was physical. He quietly said I was to trust Him and speak without notes. He reminded me I had studied the passage, and it had been one of my favorite and most-used over the years, especially in retreat ministry. Within a minute, I turned from anxiety to I can do this and it'll be fine. The matter was settled as was I.

By the time I walked into the church, I at peace, engaging folks, and not fixated on trying to remember what I was going to say. Unexpected as well, as I came in, a couple of folks said warmly they were glad when they heard I was speaking and looking forward to it. Normally, from comments like that, I would've been jumping ahead in my  mind to get focused...didn't happen. I grabbed a pew Bible so I had the passage to look at, and participated in worship until I got up to speak.

On I-91, I also sensed the Holy Spirit said it was OK to tell them I was sans notes, so I did. They laughed warmly, and off I went. With the Scripture in front of me and a clear mental sense of the key ideas and structure of my message, I dove in for thirty minutes. Even to me, I was being more focused and coherent; I went places I wouldn't normally, actually preaching the meaning of Matthew 11:28-30. I exposited the text and challenged them to respond  to what one commentator referred to as: "an intimacy of fellowship" as His disciple, choosing to be closely yoked to Him and His teaching, because he was gentle and lowly in heart. I located the text to their experience as a church, exhorting them to come to Him, because of the the endearing humility and magnificent grace in His words to Israel in the1st century, and to them yesterday.

When I finished people were very kind and gracious to me; they affirmed I had connected with something very important to them as a congregation. One person told me she had heard that text preached many times over the years, but never in the way I had preached it. I knew people were paying attention, because a number of them leaned forward and stayed there, a few responded verbally to points I made; there was the nodding of heads in agreement and some were staring straight ahead as if considering their lives differently.

In this post, I want to get across not what I did, but what God sovereignly and unexpectedly did to teach me another facet of trust in Him. He not only calmed my anxiety almost immediately, but He spoke through me to His people. Then, He graciously let me be affirmed for it. Honestly, I could've been all over the place, untethered from my notes as I was, but He showed me, once again, He is all the power behind anything I can do in His service. In hindsight after the service,  I'd left my notes at home, I had this delightfully sneaking suspicion that God had a hand in me leaving my notes at home. I know it's peculiar to say, but the sense was strong and I had to laugh. It was like, "Do you get it? Do you see what I can do in spite of what you carried as your responsibility?" The whole experience seemed another one of His invitations to be free to trust Him. Man, I desire that level of freedom!

More generally, I really am learning to be less anxious in new situations than ever before. It can be there, but not in a disabling way. My ADD is an insidious tyrant let me tell you; it sabotages and steals my "masculine voice" more often than I 'd like to admit. Yesterday, God showed me how trust in Him settles my soul into what I've been given to do with that voice, despite my foibles and ingrained weaknesses.

After the liberty, joy and pleasure I felt when I reflected on what He'd done, I eagerly want more of such abiding trust, especially if I can see God work the way He did. I recognize the next big battleground, and one of the most obdurate for me is overcoming obstacles to I being freer and more direct (with humility, grace and love) in telling others of Christ. To overcome such a stubborn hurdle would be one of the most beautiful gifts He could give me before I finish my race.

He certainly and delightfully surprised me yesterday. He can surely do it again!

Wandering From My Comfort Zone Last Week.

I mentioned before about my being an introvert: http://oldmenplantingchurches.blogspot.com/2010/01/do-introverts-make-good-church-planters.html.Conventional church planting wisdom might question the advisability of introverts being church planters because of the amount of initiating connecting with folks is necessary. I get it, believe me.

But in the last few weeks God has been ramping up putting me in unfamiliar situations where I'm on point. Last week was no exception. It began with my speaking to folks on the Town Council about The Open Table model for helping poor folks transform from being homeless to having a productive life: http://oldmenplantingchurches.blogspot.com/2013/12/meeting-with-northampton-city-council.html.

Then, early Tuesday morning God woke up Tricia and brought 1Corinthians 1:10 to mind: "He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers." He told her to tell folks also that we needed $10,000 to overcome a deficit and get even. It's always been financially tough here, but the last quarter of 2013 has proven particularly so. Tricia told me she sensed the Holy Spirit was saying that in folks praying for us and asking others to, they would see the faithfulness of God in how he answered this prayer from all of us.

It's always been hard for me to ask for money; some of it comes from old patterns of shame and all-too-familiar feeling a failure at the core, mixed with liberally anxiety I've battled for most of my life. Some of it's never feeling the opportunity to let people serve God by supporting the Kingdom work he's given us to do. Mind you, folks have been consistently and wonderfully generous to us since we began fill-time ministry in 1980. So it's not as if I've often experienced folks criticizing us when we've made the ask (with a couple of quite painful exceptions). It's just been hard for me to do from the git.

Well, I forwarded the email Tricia sent to me and received all sorts of encouragement. One in particularly was amazing. A friend we're praying will join us next year with her husband in our mission responded with an outline of a strategy for helping people see a way for them to do their part. It was quite creative and essentially noted if 100 people gave $100 we'd reach reach the goal. She outlined it this way:

"What this request looks like to me, is this: 100 of us sends $100.00."

$100.00 = 3 meals out.
4 trips to the movies (without popcorn).
3 months of Netflix or 1 month of cable? (I don't have a TV).

I loved she took the time to think about it, then exhort others to view it this way.

Anyway, to date through his people God has sent over $9000! If I'd've guarded my comfort zone, I'd've balked at sending the email to protect my pride. Glad I didn't! Thank you, Lord, and thank generous and faithful brothers and sisters!

*****

A week ago Thursday, I had a conference call with Jon Katov, the Founder and prime mover of The Open Table ministry for transforming the poor. He asked a couple of folks who had experience with OT and would be of help in the conversation to join our conference call. We talked of how I conceived what I needed to move forward, and a little about who imagine/Northampton is, plus the culture of our small city. By the end of our conversation it was clear we were moving forward, and after the first of the year would begin the process to form a table. As I mentioned in my last blog, I will be meeting with someone in the Mayor's Office to get connections for populating the table. Jon suggested for a first candidate we work with a young man or woman who's "graduated" (I forget the official term for it) out of foster care. That's makes great sense to me.

What ended in frustration last year will begin anew in 2014!

I include this in a blog about my comfort zone because God continues putting me into situations where I've never been. They are more stretching than the ones before because I have either no actual expertise in the task or new adventure I tackle, or I feel exposed because doing so increasingly puts me in circles of relationship new or foreign to me. Looking back over five and a half years, I recognize coming to Northampton has been one continuing series of new encounters and endeavors involving all sorts of folks I've never really been around. Remember, I lived for 20 years at a retreat center on a 40-acre church property where I interacted almost exclusively with Christians. I marvel at how far I've wandered from all manner of comfort zones in the task of planting imagine/Northampton...and for the better. I've thought about it more than once, but never took the plunge.

*****

Last Friday night, I loaded up the car with my smaller drumset and made the short trek to the Unitarian Society of Northampton to be a part of the monthly jazz jam held there. For some reason, I'd been on a mailing list inviting me to come and play. I'd never taken them up on it, but I decided to give it a shot.

The sad fact is, since 1FlightUp flamed out unexpectedly over a year ago, I'd played no creative music beyond a couple of short-lived attempts to re-form. In fact, I hadn't touched the drum set pretty much since then. Jim, Eslie, and I had talked of looking for other musicians to form a band, but no one has taken the lead in that, so Friday was my first foray into re-igniting my creative musical side, at least a little bit.

I didn't know what to expect and I did know what to expect. I was pretty sure the folks doing the jam would represent a number of skill levels and experience; their age range was from the 30's to the 70's. I was right. I knew that we'd be playing standards from the jazz canon, more than likely using The Real Book (a compilation created in the 70's of mostly well-known tunes). I was right again. I also expected everyone there would be so because they loved this music and enjoyed playing together. True as well. There were a lot of smiles, friendly encouraging and just plain enjoyment. No one was trying to show off. At the same time, those who could play demonstrated it.

We played for about two and a half hours. I started playing and practicing at 15 so as soon as we began the first tune, my body and creative sensibilities just kicked in. Muscle memory from literally thousands of hours practicing and playing for 50 years took over. It also didn't hurt that I listen instinctively to other musicians to support them as well. Jazz musicians know to do that as requisite for the art form.

I include this in a blog about wandering from my comfort zone because, for me, there's always a little uncertainty about how well I'll do individually, and in the mix of new musicians. I haven't gotten out there for a while as I said. The musicians will be unfamiliar. Playing improvised music always entails a risk:

• Will I make good musical choices?
• Will the other musicians like what I play, or will I not be able to play something?
• Will I get lost or make a rhythmic mistake which throws off the other players? 
• Will I enhance the collective music-making?
• What if I can't really play anymore?

Irrational I know, but this musical format is "in the moment" with no rehearsing. It's dive in and see if we all get to the end at the same time and in the same direction. The happy reality about this group of folks is they love playing the music, and enjoy being together, no matter the wide range of ability. You could tell there were friendships and support in the room. If egos were on display, I wasn't aware.

I plan to play again.

*****

Finally, last Sunday, I preached at imagine. I do so occasionally. It's never been very comfortable to me. I feel the weight of the responsibility, and again, I'm an amateur. While I've probably preached 30-40 times since I became a Christian, it's not natural to me. I'm a communicator, but I don't have a  preaching gift. Because of my ADD, there is a good chance I'll say something spontaneously (and not Spirit-inspired) which would have been better left unsaid, particularly using humor - nothing inappropriate, just lame or distracting.

But last Sunday, I wandered furthest from my comfort zone by leading an a cappella Advent hymn sing. I come from a family of singers, my daughters are singers; Tricia loves to sing; I can sing in tune and my voice quality reflects the family I came from. I sang in bands, but...standing up in front of the church and leading an a cappella hymn sing is another story entirely. For instance, you have to begin in a key where the high notes are not to high or the low notes too low for most if not everybody to be able to sing. I had one shot at it. Also, I needed to make sure I started the tune confidently so people could follow and not be awkwardly tentative. Again one shot. Not to be overlooked, I needed to begin a tempo, neither fast nor too slow, so folks could be comfortable with getting the words out. Good song-leading helps people feel unself-conscious thus enabling them to open their hearts to God in the singing.

God was very good to all of us in that I was able to (other than stand alone up front) lead both hymns inconspicuously, and people were able to sing, including harmonize. So while I wandered away from my comfort zone, no one else seemed worse for the wear because of it. Mission accomplished and it was lovely.

*****

I don't expect 2014 will allow me to be holed up in my zone of comfort much. I do hope for the increasing freedom to follow Christ beyond timidity, awkwardness, self-consciousness, laziness, and hesitation in the mission he's given us. Boldness is not a comfort zone essential, but boldness harnessed to faith, grace and love yields life.

I'd like an extra helping of such boldness in 2014. Pray for me that it may be so, and while you're at it, pray it be so for yourself in your Kingdom mission.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!