The last 2 weeks I have been prayer-walking through the Main Street area of Northampton walking a circle from Smith College to the Post Office and back to our offices on Armory Street. As I walk, I have been trying to sense God's heart for the people and how he would have me pray for them and for the city as a whole. The walks have been inspiring and deepening. God lets me see into things as I walk.
First, I have been struck by how much Northampton is an "occupied city" spiritually. It is as if the city is enshrouded and fraudulently commandeered by unseen minions of darkness, oppression and death. If you linger and look carefully this sense is palpable. My daughter, Eslie, referred to it by saying, "It is as if there is beauty underneath, but it has been covered and suppressed." I am also unnerved by the realization that most people there live unaware that a tyrannical alien army has infiltrated the city, and stolen its true Heart. A tragedy really.
The second more disturbing awareness I have as I walk is that I do not really love this city or its people. My heart is not consistently broken by their bondage and blindness. Yeah, sometimes I feel it, starting as a sadness for what could be, and then becoming a welling anger at the one who came to kill and destroy. This feeling is almost a flash of holy rage.
What I know would be better for my heart is that it be overtaken by compassion which won't leave and unsettles me to loving service and spending my best time doing good for these people. I want to, but I am still in my head most of the time. I want eyes that see and a heart that takes selfless action almost as an instinct. Their pain and oppression needs to be mine -- their despair and brokenness my passion -- their blindness and fear my call. I need to be about their freedom and life through the One who has it always near His heart and asks me to share it.
So superficial caring will not do. Its insulting and barbaric. I know I need grace and a heart of flesh if I am going to leave anything good behind in this place after my watch. Jesus has to make this real or I will be easily satisfied with my puny idea of helping. Have mercy on me, Lord.
2 comments:
When I read this I was taken back to a time in Cortland, NY. I was the youth pastor for Memorial Baptist Church and I was driving on one of the main roads through town. I saw some people walking the street and had began to judge and question who they were and why they were there. As they faded into the distance it was if God asked me, "Dan, do you love the people of this city?" I was crushed because the reality was I did not, at least not the way Christ did.
Over the next few days I reflected on that experience and was drawn to the passage where Jesus wept over Jerusalem. I asked God to give me a heart (his heart) that would allow me to truly weep for the lost and hurting in Cortland.
I am not sure I ever got there but I certianly took some steps forward. I have found it helpful to remind myself that each person I see is someone whom God desperately wants to be in relationship with.
May God slowly and thoroughly break your heart over the city of Northampton and the people who call it home.
Peace
Thank you, bro. I will pray daily that same prayer, and hope that God uses me to free beyond what I could ask or imagine.
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