Living From An Examined Narrative Identity; An Attestation Of Sorts.

I'm re-reading Tim Keller's The Reason For God. I've been re-reading a number of books over the last 6 months. I find it refreshing to revisit texts important to my spiritual formation, including some of the very first books I read as a new believer. They were over my head at the time, but now have riches I can appreciate and absorb.

As I was up hours before dawn this morning, I returned to Reason for God and was stuck by a couple of sentences in Chapter One entitled, There Can't Be Just One Religion:

"What is religion then? It is a set of beliefs that explain what life is all about, who we are, and the most important things that human beings should spend their time doing."

"Notice that this (i.e., the material world is all there is) is not an explicit 'organized' religion, it contains a master narrative, an account about the meaning of life along with a recommendation for how to live based on that account of things."

"Everyone lives and operates out of some narrative identity, whether it is thought out and reflected upon or not. All who say 'You ought to do this,' or 'You shouldn't do that' reason out of such an implicit moral and religious position."

So what is a narrative? According the the Oxford Dictionaries Online it's: (a) The narrated part or parts of a literary work, as distinct from dialogue; (b) The practice or art of telling stories;  (c) A representation of a particular situation or process in such a way as to reflect or conform to an overarching set of aims or values. Put simply, my narrative identity includes how I understand myself based from my core values, life choices, people I've known and learned from, my gains ans loses; what I've embraced and given myself to for almost 65 years.

Prior to being enticed and found by Christ in 1972, my narrative identity was formed by life in the McDermott family with my father, mother, younger brother, grandmother, and aunts, uncles, and cousins in Albuquerque New Mexico. This identity was also shaped by school chums, girlfriends and the strong family culture of being a middle-class, Irish-Catholic white people in the diverse racial mix of the Southwest. This unfolding identity included the various neighborhoods in which I lived, the liberal Democratic politics my parents embraced and I heard debated; where I went to school from kindergarten to university; being in Cub Scouts, playing baseball, watching television, hiking in the Sandias, having my first jobs, taking lessons and learning to play drums, then becoming a musician.

When I  became a Christ-follower and soon after a husband, my narrative identity changed radically regarding how I understood myself, what life actually meant; what the good - as in virtuous, moral, loving, true - life looked like apart from much of what I assumed prior. I changed my understanding and conformed my way of life around what really mattered as defined by following Christ. I still worked and lived in American culture, but not in an unexamined way. I now had a narrative identity which challenged the story I'd lived before and the meaning of life I'd accepted uncritically: as in what really is of transcendent worth and what isn't.

While the recognizability and expressing of my personality did not alter genetically at regeneration, my narrative identity was revolutionized spiritually, ethically and morally: first below the surface and then in my attitudes and behaviors as i took seriously the reality of sin. I gave my heart to the way of life revealed in the Scriptures and let be influenced by the indwelling unction of the Spirit. I became a new creation and still remained Kit within this new narrative identity.

Forty-two years later, the narrative identity I live today has matured, expanded, deepened, and transformed me beyond what I couldn't have even conceived when I agreed with Christ to give him me. I cannot see any other identity as being of more worth than this one which has bound my heart to the most meaningful STORY in the universe; in fact, the one which gives inestimable value to, animates, and sustains all of Creation. I still live it needing help daily, but this narrative compels and sustains me like no other. I neither seek nor desire  another spiritual identity. I apprehend no other narrative through which people find essential meaning, whether it be political, social, professional, ethnic, sexual, artistic, cultural, or national that would have the power to draw my heart away toward a new narrative identity. I've examined them all and can find no equivalently transcendent meaning which compares in ultimate value. Certainly, there is value and meaning in all of them, but not in a first things way.

Based on the last forty-two years of discovery, exploration, and growth, I can't predict how my narrative identity will continue to develop, but I can attest I will stay put in my Christ-knowing, Christ-loving and Christ-following narrative until my days come to an end here. I've much still to learn and change and grasp, but I've had four-plus decades to examine Christ and His patient, gracious work with the likes of me. Nothing else in this mysterious, beautiful, tormented, astounding  Creation compares; not even close.

Thoughts On Having Re-formed The inward/OUTWARD Missional Formation Cohort.

Last Wednesday up in our third-floor apartment overlooking Main Street Northampton six of us reconvened the inward/OUTWARD Missional Formation Cohort. I wrote about it's launch in early 2012 if you didn't read it: http://oldmenplantingchurches.blogspot.com/2012/01/thoughts-on-imagines-first.html. We disbanded in the summer, and I was not sure if I'd reconvene it. However, over the last few months the Spirit seemed to bring it to mind repeatedly. Despite some of the problems we encountered with the first, for instance, it being too big and having folks come in and out who were not part of imagine, there was much of great value and formative spiritual and missional import going on. I never thought otherwise.

So in the late spring of this year, I was wanting to provide another opportunity for folks to really talk about and encounter each other's actual life with Jesus: the good, the not-so-good, and the "I'd rather not talk about just yet " stuff. I wanted it to be real, informal and engaging for everybody, similar to what Tricia and I have experienced in Listening in Christ retreat formats. While I or Tricia might set the stage - although not exclusively so - I would encourage everyone to engage all of us as equals, on the same formation journey, while in different places along the road, but connected and close as a cohort necessarily is. Because we were in on the ground floor and have been leaders since imagine's inception it is easy for people to fall in line with that. There are times and places in the journey where such "positioning" is essential, but I wanted to loosen it considerably to explore where it could lead. I wanted freedom and responsibility to unfold from everyone.

We'd had an initial meeting a month or so ago to test the waters with folks, and see if people wanted to do it at all. They did. So when we met this week, I did a quieting/settling opening activity, then set the stage for our evening which would be "weighted" toward open dialogue much in the way a spiritual director would invite a person to talk about how he or she is actually living with God. I guess you could term it group spiritual direction, but neither Tricia nor I would assume a formal director role; we'd participate as well. If things fell apart we could get it back in motion because of the years of experience we've had, but there was no need for that. I told everyone to feel free to ask questions to clarify something or seek more input. Again, I wanted interaction not top-down leading.

The bulk of our time together was talking about how we were experiencing relationship with God these days. Everyone had something to say; there was dialogue, even some offering of insights based what a person had experienced or learned. The conversation was real and people seemed quite free to offer what they were thinking or feeling. I sense there is a mutual hunger for this in everyone. Spiritual life can grow the deepest when people have a chance to talk about what they are actually going through with others who listen, offer support, even a word or two of insight without judgment or sermonizing - you all know what I'm talking about. I think trust was being built, although not because people were afraid of each other. It's just natural to test the temperature of the water before taking the first plunge.You know: what are the ground rules? How are people responding and communicating? What feels safe and appropriate, etc.?

I think it safe to say our first plunge seemed to agree with everyone in the room. Hopes are high for a substantial camaraderie to form including deep friendships, spiritual or otherwise. We want to go beyond the traditional "fellowship," "community-building" group into a life-giving interplay of love, filial support and inspiration which helps each of us follow Jesus with passion and realness. Following Jesus flows out of a vigorous and deepening love for Him, and a life-giving love in real-time for one another as we head down His path together.

By the way, so no one gets the wrong idea we're not pulling away and forming another church; we're still imagine/Northampton with other folks who are imagine/Northampton too, and have been since the beginning. We're just exploring life together in the way I explained above. It should enrich our overall corporate life. I hope similar groups form in our midst so people have a chance to be the church in this more intimate form as well. We do get together with everyone else at imagine for worship and such, but the cohort will be small, weekly, and intentional around growing in the spiritual/missional cohort way which such groups can promote through grace and love.

Stay tuned...

5 Years In: Helping People Discover and Follow The God Who Is Far More Than They Imagine.

This morning we had our monthly LifeLine Sunday where dedicate the bulk of our time to exchanging thoughts and questions about the sermon series we've been working through. In the course of the conversation, I got to thinking about how much we've changed since Tricia and I moved here 5 years in July. As I've said before, it's one thing to sit at the CFR or Jim's house in Simsbury and conceive of who'll we'll be and how we'll go about being missional followers of Christ in Northampton, and another thing to actually live the flesh and blood adventure every day.

So, one of the questions Jim asked was how we've overcome the trappings of cultural (read non or extra-biblical) Christianity in our lives, especially those which separate us from people who aren't Christian because our church culture is so foreign, even off-putting, to them. I assure you this was not a church-bashing time, just a chance to hear how we might be evolving.

When I heard the question, I realized so much of the way I now live my Christian identity has changed:

1. To start, I can no longer separate the missional life from my spiritual life. I've learned so much about how we're supposed to live with people who do not hold or are downright antagonistic to our beliefs. Being missional is being biblically Christian, and I mean more than going on a mission trip, being evangelistic sometimes, or occasionally inviting someone to church. It's a mindset and worldview lived 24/7. It means surrendering the rights to our lives and following Christ into the communities he's placed us to reflect him to others that they might discover and follow him, if he summons them. My spirituality now includes missionality. They are intertwined.

2. At first, we all thought we needed to have a really creative Sunday service that people would come to because it was different from "normal" church. Of course, we assumed non-Christians would be open to going to something like that.Um ... WRONG! Talk about naivete (and I'd read some stuff that made the case it works - well, not in Northampton). We now see church gatherings are for Christians steeped in the language, traditions, assumptions and culture of church.They reflect commonly-held theological worldviews and spiritual practices. We can't imagine how bewildered people might be in stuff we could participate with in our sleep (and sometimes do). So the idea that our worship would be a "front door" approach to building relationships with non-Christians was just wrong. I know there is a time when inviting someone to church for the first time is appropriate. But in that case, a relationship of trust has been built, and things can be explained without embarrassing the person.

3. Next, we knew we had a responsibility to help the poor and homeless. So we served at the Interfaith Shelter (still do), did FEAST two Easter's ago, gave away Christmas gift bags to folks on the street, gave them food, clothes, hats, blankets, money and rides (occasionally). All of that was good and needed. Most of it was built on what's termed transactional relationships, i.e., I give them something they need and that's it. We had a beneficial impact, but no real relationship was built,. In fact, everyone knows the street dance; it's almost a culture here. None of it to my knowledge has been really helping them discover the God who is far more than they imagine. Such transaction become very frustrating for m after awhile because there appears no poverty transformation in transactional relationships. It's a step along the way perhaps, but not freedom in Christ which is what we offer.

4. For a long time now, I've known that if I'm going to be a real Christian I have to be willing to go into the mess of others' live as well as my own. For years, my experience of emotional healing, and my work as a counselor, retreat leader, and spiritual director has taken me way beyond where I thought I'd be able to go. I've seen human suffering far into tragedy and back. I know for a fact the wages of sin is death of all kinds. And I'm intimately familiar with my mess, including sin. Truth is, the missional life is intertwining my broken humanity with the broken humanity of others.We have that very much in common, no matter our beliefs or life history. My challenge has been Northampton is a different world for entering into the mess of many folks here who understand reality in ways I find foreign and vice-versa. Healing necessitates we both need to drop our guards and listen at the level of the heart. God is a healer; first at the deepest level of being, then in all other matters of life. I know that full well. What I don't know enough is how to enter into the mess of people who don't trust my intentions. I'm a work in progress there.

5. I recognize these days I have to be more discerning about whether, or how God is already working in someone, more sensitive to the evidence of a heart being influenced by the Spirit of God. I've been inviting him to teach me, to take me deep into spiritual noticing. I want wisdom which helps me recognize reality and respond with grace. It's not so easy for a guy with ADD, I'll tell you ... but not impossible. My longing is before I leave the planet I'd have found the manifest freedom to respond quickly with gentle alacrity to someone God is enticing to discover him, and be of use to them both. Wouldn't that be something.

6. Here's a tricky one, at least, it's felt that way to me since I came to the Paradise City. Soon after arriving, I had a pastor in town tell me imagine/Northampton would be defined by one question: how we'd handle gay marriage. How we answered that determined whether we'd alienate an entire group of people in this city or not. Right there he set a dividing line. It's never left my consciousness. These days, however, I feel the nudging to reach across the table and build relationships with Christians who share a different theological stance than me about many things. Some of what divides us are genuinely, and deeply held core convictions. Regardless, the Holy Spirit is hinting we need to learn to live with that and get on with the Kingdom miracle. To be honest, it scares me a little in that Christians can and do easily divide over spiritual differences. I suspect we throw the baby out with the bathwater when we do so. I don't know many minds will be changed, but I'm convinced we need to band together where we see a greater good, and pursue Christ as he continues to redeem people. I don't know if it's possible in some instances, but I bet not all, and I'm willing to try.

7. Perhaps the biggest way I've changed has to do with realizing how narrow I've been regarding what it means to be a Christian in this culture around us. I know in the depths of my being my identity and sense of self has been altered inextricably. To walk away from Christ would be to walk away from REALITY, in other words, madness. I am Christian at every level of existence. So, what I bring to everyone is that view of life. To not do so, would be to bifurcate my being, a spiritual schizophrenia so to speak. At the same time, a persisting fear of mine has been that if I relax and just be a person with others, I'd gradually morph into an agreeably nice guy who keeps his "light under a bushel" to fit in or get along, and not make anyone uncomfortable with my "rigid" Christianity stuff.

The thing is, I remember when I was a full-time jazz musician in Connecticut, I played all sorts of gigs with  people who would mostly refer to themselves as non-religious, or as some poetically put it, "I'm not into that sh__." Of course, they'd apologize profusely, I guess thinking I might faint right on the spot. I hung out and got along. I was asked a few times to explain my beliefs and one young bass player came to Christ. My point is there was a time when most of my early Christian life was spent with non-believers. I was myself and so were they. We agreed to disagree or just left spiritual things hanging to get on with what we were pursuing together. I didn't compromise and betray what I said I believed, but I wasn't heavy-handed either.

I can do this because I did it. Well, there is the little matter of being an introvert, but that's for another time.

I don't want the narrowing that happened because I spent 20 years at a retreat center working almost exclusively with Christians to keep me from building relationships with whomever. I want to engage others with me, and let them engage me with them. All I have to give is me. I realize too, some of us will click and perhaps have the chance to do life-changing Kingdom work together because we all care for the hurting, the dispossessed, the defeated, and the buckled-over people around us.

Therefore, helping people discover and follow the God who is far more than they imagine feels simpler in one sense. Because God draws people to himself, I just need to be myself and see what transpires with others as I have a chance to get to know them. No expectations, just paying attention, and being at the ready to share the magnificent hope dwelling in me.

So we're not so much about a model anymore, and more about just being people who realize other people matter to God, and we have a chance to show that by being ourselves, and trying to enflesh the reality of God's forgiveness and love to them genuinely. If we can humbly live the truth in all its multifaceted beauty to show forth wonder and freedom, others will be able to discover and follow him.

I wonder what the next 5 years will bring if we continue on here?

I Wonder If There's a Way to Be Diffuse, But Deeply Together and Unified When Not Together.

Given we Christians are supremely acclimated to being centralized in our local churches; much of what we do together, we do at or in church. It's our spiritual base, so to speak. Psychologically, it settles us in a shared locational identity as I mentioned in my previous blog: http://oldmenplantingchurches.blogspot.com/2013/05/breaking-free-from-unexamined-tendency.html.We do understand the church is the people, not the place, but we can blend them emotionally without too much effort.

Lately as part of my "container not fitting the brew" metaphor for the church and the Kingdom mission of incarnating the gospel to the community under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I've been thinking of what it would look like for the church to be diffuse, but unified. Here's what I mean: what if folks who gathered together in a particular church learned how to be on the same mission in unity even when they were apart: in their homes, with their families, at their jobs, in their neighborhoods, in their schools, or going about their errands and other commitments in life such as school sports?

You see, as Americans we're well-trained in being discreet individuals free to pursue our own dreams, carry our own responsibilities, follow our passions and spend time doing whatever captures our interest or fulfills our sensibilities, including spiritual. We're invited to be all we can on our own, or with whomever we choose. You have to take responsibility for your own life and make of it everything you can. That's the American Dream so aim high and have it all!

So we're out there scrappin'. Problem is, we have little or no sense of communitas, http://oldmenplantingchurches.blogspot.com/2012/04/being-we-even-when-were-apart-part-1.html or a profoundly shared mission. We're not self-aware that we are a missional team even though each of us is engaged in different daily pursuits. You have your life; I have mine - we just happen to be "members" of the same church on the corner. We intersect in various ways, but not because we apprehend we've been called to the same mission, and are expected by God help each other fulfill it together and apart. Who does that?

If we were aware that we're a missional team, we'd be gathering to talk about what God is doing in and through each one of us. For instance, we'd all be praying for one of the guy's at Joe's work who's showing an opening to the Gospel, and checking into see how it's going. Or Penny is experiencing a substantial uptick in spiritual warfare because she's prayerwalking in her neighborhood. I don't know about you, but folks don't routinely talk about that or "own" their shared mission because we think individualistically. If we are self-aware that we're a missional team, we'd also be routinely praying together for the Holy Spirit's strategic direction in our town through each and everyone of us. We'd be listening for instruction and focus together. We'd practice the challenging work of group discernment, and learn how to listen to one another talk about what each senses God says is where we're to head out. Our hearts and minds would be knitted together, not just gathered under one roof. The purpose would be to take action individually and corporately, but unified in one heart under the leadership of the Spirit.

Then, Sunday morning worship (the centerpiece of most churches) would become a festive gathering of fully enfranchised and focused followers of Jesus Christ who come to celebrate, testify, encourage, be taught, and worship the goodness of God because he is making a difference in and through us all. We could become acclimated to the reality he still is bringing and creating the Kingdom. In such a free and joyous atmosphere people would find it strange to be a disconnected spectator or passive religious consumer. It wouldn't fit the setting even for introverts.

The reality is we need a sea-change from the church of individuals (no matter they be Baptists, Presbyterians, Pentecostals, independents, etc.) to a communitas of disciples graciously, but deliberately helping one another (no one left behind) be the Kingdom in their communities that others may open to Christ, (their true Liberator), know his Gospel (their true liberation), and become one of his own in this world (their true humanity). Our individuality then turns to a common end, each of us engaged and bringing gifts which fit the task we've all embraced in our neighborhood, town, city or regions. Such a community elevates what it means to be a person to the most noble of tasks: sowing, and nurturing the seeds of healing redemption in another person.

This sea-change starts with leaders persistently casting (initiating and living themselves) an inspiring vision of communitas in their local churches so they might live the life of an empowered follower outside the church's walls. The picture must be painted lavishly of a people summoned by Christ to follow him into the neighborhood, a people with gifts too important to leave in the sanctuary. Soon after, leaders will start to sit with each person in the church, and hear their stories of life with Christ, or their stories of woundedness, failure, disappointment and fear - what they actually experience of him. For some, they will need to offer healing and forgiveness, but also the possibility of a purpose-ignited life with everyone else. At some point in the journey to communitas, leaders must make powerful calls to abiding prayer, and the patient creating of a spiritual atmosphere where people can seek the Holy Spirit (not as mere individuals) to summon them  in the missional adventure the Father has set for them. People will also need to be trained how to discern where God is already working in the community around them, and then how to engage so they can listen to a person's heart in their story. In turn, they'll need to learn how to listen to the Spirit as they engage people. Discernment is key here too. This overall refocusing will require courage, a sense of humor, and a clear-eyed longing to see the church redemptively fecund in the community around it. The leaders have to have the same attitude of Martin Luther when he stood before the Pope and averred: "Here I stand; I can do no other."

This sea-change will also necessitate looking closely at the culture of the church to see where it's set up to promote maintaining the status quo where church-life is mostly life at church, a spiritual feeding-trough, hospital, and way station with teaching. Remember, I 'm suggesting we create church communities where our following Christ is individually spread out through the community, it's diffuse, but unified, single-hearted and single-minded. We are deeply together, linked even when apart because our idea of church is a focused spiritual organism with an eternal purpose and we want to be a part of it. Each of us carries in unity with our brethren the church under the leading of the Spirit; one body, but all of us pursuing our commonly-held mission with Christ our inspiration and fructifying Leader. And we'll be aware of what others are doing as each works with God in their "mission-field,"; one for all and all for one. What my brother or sister is up to with Christ is what I'm doing too.We still meet together, for sure, but not because of habit, rather because we bring stories of the transforming power of God to change lives through ordinary people like us. They become our stories. We've sought and we've seen him be God on our watch and it's wonderful, maybe even more than we ever imagined.

Do you believe it's possible?

I do.

In fact, I think it's supposed to be the normal Christian way of life, the biblical way of life. But as I just wrote about my blog just before this one, Christians and churches have this unexamined tendency to coalesce spiritually, ecclesially, and missionally. They get stiff like an old man. Pretty soon we're all walking in place spiritually and it doesn't seem so bad. We don't even know what spiritual fluidity is like or why it's crucial so we settle and congeal.

Again, I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'm just finding my way in this, so I need all the help I can get!

Simple Missional Questions to Ask Ourselves All the Time.

1. How in your life do you see folks around you encountering Jesus through you?

2. How do you incarnate his love so that people in your sphere of influence want to know him?

3. Would anyone be inspired to follow him by the way you live?

4. Besides indirect evidence of your religious or spiritual practices (going to church, praying, reading the Scriptures, etc.) does anyone not a Christian know why you follow him?

Take frequent time to reflect on these questions and listen for his "still, small voice." Thank him for evidence of him working through you if he has, but also ask him to "make you able" if you've little evidence of his working through you missionally of late or perhaps ever.

The hour is late.

Are You Still Fascinated With Jesus and His Kingdom Way?

Over the last few months, through a number of ministry activities where God has challenged me to raise the bar in talking about (and trying to live) what it means to follow Jesus in light of what he actually said was the way, a persisting thought occurred to me:

"The people I've read about in the Scriptures and in books written by or about Jesus-followers who had a substantial, faithful Kingdom influence on their world, were all utterly fascinated by Jesus and his Gospel of the Kingdom."

An uncommon passion and remarkable devotion characterized their following him. They were gripped and they persevered in it even if their lives were consistently hard, or they suffered mightily for their devotion. They were captivated, enthralled and so taken by him and his message that they surrendered their hearts and followed hard after him until death. They were broken men and women for sure, but they lived from a single-minded fire in their bellies.

Conversely, I thought how throngs of us in churches all over America, if we honestly and courageously reflected, would realize we live from accommodated, divided, tepid hearts in matters of authentic discipleship. We're deeply embedded in the American Dream (or our cherished version of it) which defines the good life as one of pursuing our preference for comfort, security and fulfilled aspirations. As Americans, we instinctively place a high value on the freedom to pursue what promises to make us fulfilled and content - what gives us personal meaning. In that sense, we are substantially-devoted followers of the American Promise of individual "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

But over the last few months, I've talked with a number Christian people completely enmeshed in lives becoming increasingly unmanageable. As a result, they've sunk into a spiritual malaise much like sleep-walking. The demands of actually following Jesus as he speaks of it in the Gospels appear impossible given the frazzled lifestyles most of us accept without "counting the cost" of so doing. Truth be told, many of us are enslaved to debt, fracturing busyness, and the strain to maintain our particular status quo, i.e., "It is what it is."

I also realize that the lukewarm followership many live is not what Jesus modeled and summoned them to, perhaps not even what they "signed up for." The problem remains they're so entangled in the spiritually unexamined way of life they accommodate and its overwhelming consequences, they've come to a kind of  spiritual stasis, and have gradually sunk into the religious duty of mostly just showing up at church on Sunday. I know that's not what initially pulled them to Jesus, but it's now what they've settled for and worse, come to expect.

So I've done a little thinking about what is this fascination with Jesus, and subsequently adopting his way. Here's what I've come up with so far:

1. Jesus fascination is a work of God offered to all his people, but we need to persistently desire and long for it.
2. It grows from the accumulated benefits of pursuing intimacy with Jesus through the spiritual disciplines, especially listening prayer, study of the Scriptures (particularly the Gospels), and reflective examination of how a person is actually living.
3. Jesus fascination is best modeled and passed on by individuals in a consistent "life on life" relationship.
4. It is also nurtured in a community of believers who are jointly habitually working on following Jesus, and living his way of life guided by his subversively redemptive values.
5. A person fascinated with Jesus will "be in the world, but not of the world"; his or her fascination gradually will not be surrendered to the prevailing worldly or surrounding cultural fascinations and loyalties.
6. Jesus fascination will result in a man or woman willingly embracing what matters most to him, and obediently conforming all to his values and way of life, whether it be through career, raising a family, recreation, use of money, time or talent, etc.
7. Jesus fascination ultimately will lead to a habit of joy, a transcending humility, a freeing life of love, stubborn peace, and surprising Kingdom transformations.

I realize fascination with Jesus is not a feeling or a project or the domain of the spiritually elite. It's a gift of grace to a heart which longs for authenticity, depth and making a difference through service in the Kingdom. Fascination is not just admiring Jesus from the pew, focusing mostly on sin management as the best we can do, helping the pastor if he asks every once in a while. Nor is it listening your favorite Christian music and reading your favorite Christian authors. It's not even taking that once-in-a lifetime mission's trip or singing in the choir.

It's more a matter of the transformed, rejuvenated heart and will. Paul summed it well in 12:1-2 of his letter to the Church in Rome when he said because of the extraordinary mercies of God, our reasonable (intelligent) response is to present ourselves to God as "living sacrifices" utterly surrendered to his purposes and glory. Paul also warns us, therefore, not to be conformed outwardly to what the world (in rebellion from God) continually tries to entice us to prize, submit to, and live. Because we are literally new creations in Christ we should not submit. Rather, Paul says we are to change our thinking so that what is presented to us by the world, is put it to the test of God's standards, and thus we can apprehend what is valuable and pleasing to him. Therefore, fascination is a 24/7 response of worship, i.e., surrendering all as a fascinated living sacrifice, fully engaged and fully devoted.

If you can't say this about yourself, don't settle for "Oh, well." Complacency stinks. Go talk to someone you admire and ask for help. In fact, ask God to begin clearing the jam-packed decks of your life so you can find a mentor and become trained to follow Jesus with all you've got. When everything's said and done, it doesn't matter nearly as much as you think about how important you are to the business right now, or what your neighbors will say if the lawn isn't mowed every Saturday, or your kids need to be on every sports team known to man because, for sure, they'll be complete failures in life if they aren't. (You know I'm poking a little fun, right?)

The point is Jesus is summoning you to pick up your cross and get on with it. Did I mention He's the Lord of all and he picked you to follow him from a fascinated and courageous heart?

At the same time, some of you, I know, are tired and discouraged. You are living under great stress and pressure. The problems you face seem infinitely more than there are solutions. Maybe sin has got you ground down and your life is hidden or out of control. Perhaps you've been hurt by people in the church and question if any of this is real at all. Maybe church and Christianity just seem boring and pointless. Even so, the reality is, because it's the living God we're referring to, whatever has dulled your heart can be revived by him. So earnestly pray for fascination, and go find someone who is fascinated by and following hard after him. A simple conversation can open God's fascinating future for you. Try it.

imagine/Northampton's First Christmas Giveaway.

Last Saturday was a sunny, but cold and blustery day. You noticed the bite because of the wind. Three weeks prior, I'd sent out an invitation to imagine's supporters and friends giving them the opportunity to donate so we could buy a bag or two to hand out to homeless men and women on the street. We figured they'd be between $20-25 per bag. The folks generously sent nearly $1000!

We had different bags for men and women. Each was chock-full of things such as:

• gift cards for food and phone calls, appointment books (recommended by the Interfaith Shelter),
• gloves, scarves, t-shirts, and socks, hand sanitizer,
• washcloths, shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, brushes, hairspray, Blistex, body lotion, hand wipes,
• nail clippers, Kleenex, razors, appointment books (recommended by the Interfaith Shelter),
• candies

Southwick Community Episcopal Church even donated 10 blankets for us to give away. The bags were bursting. It was amazing to see them all lined up ready to go. We had 36 in all.

Before we went out we paired up into 5 teams, figured out who was going to go where, and prayed for God's favor to lead us to people who could really use what we had to give. We also wanted to delight them as a measure of the gracious and unexpected love of God.

As we were putting the bags together some of us noted that due to the wind and cold, it appeared there weren't many homeless out. I noticed none of the folks I routinely see and talk to were in their usual spots. Drat! We really wanted to give away all the bags we had.

So out the door we went. Tricia and I headed west up Main Street. We encountered a Vet in a wheelchair who collects money for other Vets. He's friendly and talkative. We approached him and said "this is for you. Merry Christmas (You got it. We didn't say "happy holidays"). We handed him a blanket too. His eyes were wide open with surprise and he started to cry. I asked him his name and told him God loves him and he responded that God loves me too. He asked if he could give it to someone more needy and we agreed. He is a generous man and cares for homeless folks even though he's in a wheelchair. I've seem him do it.

We moved on and gave one to Daniel, a street musician who "works hard for the money." He's out there playing guitar and singing no matter the cold, heat or precipitation. He smiled, nodded his head in thanks and said "God bless you," before picking up the tune where he'd left off.

We crossed Main Street and saw a young man sitting with a guitar in front of one of the candy stores in town. I walked up to him and repeated what I'd said to the first two. He was completely surprised and said "For me?" He seemed a little shell-shocked and thanked me as well. Later, he'd find us, give it back and ask us to give it to someone more needy as he was not homeless. His honesty was refreshing. In the next half hour, we encountered 5 more men, but no women. By then, the word was getting around that someone was handing out stuff and to be on the lookout. They were.

The entire walkabout and search for people took about an hour, I think. People were heading back to imagine because we were going to have lunch together after the Giveaway. We were all chilled, but felt pretty good we'd been able to hand out 24 of the 36 bags even though the "regulars" weren't around at all. In the days since, Tricia and I've found a few of them and given them blankets and bags. Some of the folks we usually see still aren't on the street. If we can't before next Wednesday, we will give them to the Northampton Interfaith Shelter. One way or the other, they'll get to people who need them.

As I think about our first try at this, I realize we had little idea what to expect: How would people respond? Would we insult anyone by assuming they were homeless and try to give them a bag? Would we hesitate or would it feel awkward all of us parading around with gift bags full of stuff and blankets under our arms? We stood out after awhile. As I said, the word got around and fast.

In the end, I think we experienced doing another "let's see what happens" team event again, and are learning about the people in this town, who we are as imagine/Northampton, and how God is using us to gently build relationships with folks. We really are in still the learning phase of the mission and maybe will always be. We have few answers these days, but the mission is God's and he has us working it with him.

Also, gathering together over a meal, kids and all, and hanging out after is solidifying us as a community. We like being around each other and sharing this imagine/Northampton adventure as friends around Jesus, each in our own way. That day was a pleasure and a gift to us.

It remains a remarkable joy to me to give and see people be delighted, even moved. Kindness and generosity are lovely gestures of God's affection for people even far from him, or folks whose brokenness now defines all their days. Just being around God's kindness and generosity lifts my spirit. And Christmas is the perfect time to do this reflecting of God's love in giving his son to the world. Christmas should never be the only time for doing so, however.

In many ways, imagine/Northampton's Christmas Giveaway was a simple and small gesture that might not change anyone's

Lastly, seeing the imaginistas all bundled up and out on the street, in the wind and cold, trying to bless people was a happiness to me too. It feels like "this is what we're to be about:" giving, helping, blessing and recognizing people who may have made a frightful mess of things, or maybe have experienced setbacks and horrors which crushed their spirits. I don't know for sure, but I love seeing imagine/Northampton embracing such loving enterprise.

The Kingdom of God is revealed and present when we all do this sort of thing, whether spontaneously or planned. It's our task as Jesus-followers to carry his love to everyone so they might see him, even if its just something like a blanket or gift bag at Christmas time.

Father, give your people everywhere more more opportunity to do these kinds of things and infinitely more. Make us fully willing and able to follow through.

What "Going Missional" Is Doing To Me.

It's a cloudy, Friday afternoon and in a 21 hours or so, Tricia and I will head down to Ventnor, NJ for a much needed rest and refreshing. We will be there 4 days. The house we'll stay at belongs to her mother, and it has been a place of many growing-up memories for Tricia and for our family as well. The walls bear witness to the memories of summers, and holidays.

We're only a block from the Boardwalk and beach. It's a time of year when the place will not be swarming with sunlovers unless we head up the Boardwalk to Atlantic City, about 2 miles, I think. We'll walk the Boardwalk and beach with our old dog Tiger. We'll read and talk. I plan to outline the concept for a book I will write over the next year. The project is one percolating in me for a year or so, and I've been getting encouragement to undertake the task. I think I have the words in me to do so. God will need to help me collect and line them up into something useful for his Kingdom. I really desire for such use to be so from the words he's entrusted to me.

We'll also catch up on some sleep and just lollygag, thank you very much. Ministry leaders need oases of time to lollygag. It's good for the ministry and marriages and spiritual well-being.

So lollygag we will.

But before we go I want to reflect on how I'm experiencing the imagine/Northampton mission of late. I've been noting to others what seems to be changing subtly in me because of planting imagine, and learning to interact with the people of Northampton and the Pioneer Valley. In general, it feels a deepening as in growing closer to what it means for someone like me to follow Jesus. I'm gradually beginning to get what it might mean to care more for his interests than my own. I've not arrived by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm closer; its in view with a distinct shape.

I'll give you a few examples to explain.

I've noticed I don't really care about whether imagine/Northampton becomes this big church with all the trappings of big church. So, it's not about programs or yowsa-yowsa Sunday morning gatherings. Sunday service is not the spiritual bulls-eye of the week in my mind. Nor are great programs and activities the life of the church. Actually, in my mind, what happens during the week are the most important days in the life of the church. It's what we Jesus followers do out in the company of everyone else that is the heart of our following him.  Worship happens daily by giving our lives as a sacrifice of praise. I want the Kingdom to come in a way that truly settles into the lives of the people who are not spectators or spiritual consumers. It's the Kingdom which matters most to me; the lived-out Kingdom in the midst of people who can't see Jesus yet.. These days, I think, the Kingdom outside the walls most reflects the Church of it's life and purpose. I didn't always.

Something else that has gathered my attention repeatedly since being here is the pain and sorrow of peoples' who've been deeply wounded and scarred by injustice or oppression. I feel the sadness of lost dignity, trampled dreams, smothered identity, and the sheer rapacity of human pride and lust for power. I get with more acuity Jesus living amongst and ennobling the least of his loved ones. I notice the ways people are dehumanized by prejudice and sheer meanness. I feel it all more in my gut. I find myself looking for ways to be a part of healing and restoring. I'm not particularly interested in the politics of it, just the offering of  grace and drying of tears; the unlocking of a person who's disappeared sometimes for decades with no one noticing. I see now to a depth I'd not before.

I want imagine/Northampton to be full of people who lost their way or left their hopes and dreams on the trail years ago. I want them to discover this God who is far more than they imagine and calls them to a way of life full of meaning, freedom and worth, just waiting for their gifts to be given in the manner only they can.  I feel a strong longing for these people's unlocking and opening into life. It's like a straining toward their unbinding.

Then there's the matter of what's happening to my faith and trust. I've become aware of my faith being tested to limits, and with an intensity different from what I've experienced. Like all believers I've been tested many times before in my 37 years of learning to follow Jesus, but never with such a relentless frequency or to the degree I now experience often. It feels almost as if what lies ahead will require a vigor and durability of faith unlike what I've known. I am having to hold fast to my faith almost everyday in ways not required of me before. Tricia and I are brought to the brink, and I must fight to believe in the face of what sometimes looks like potential ruin. Jesus keeps up the pressure, and provides the release for a time, then we're back at it again. It's not fun or "awesome, dude." It's hard and spiritually hardening (as in how muscles harden due to being stressed by exercise), for the journey ahead.



Lastly, I have a growing love for the people God has gathered in our little band of imagine/Northamptoners, the team and new folks alike. I like being around them. I want them to flourish in their following of Jesus through this mission. I'm enlivened by watching them when they have the courage and faith to step of out of safety and connect with people. I have great compassion for the sacrifices the team has made in moving from Simsbury to the Pioneer Valley. I respect that no one up here has decided to leave even though they all are being "sorely tried" in our mission together. These people are what Samuel Chadwick called "saints of the fire-heart." Their sacrifices help me shoulder my own.

I need to add, my wife, Tricia, is one of the most gifted people I've ever known. This mission has only highlighted that reality. Her courage and mental toughness is humbling to me. Watching her shoulder the burden of our call with grace and spirit is one of the greatest teachers of my life. She's a true Proverbs 31 woman. I don't deserve her.

I know there will be other spiritual eye-openers down this missional road. The tests of faith will continue and if I cooperate I'll grow nearer who I'm supposed to be. My hope is that when I breathe my last breath I will have done what I was made for, or at least most of it. I hope Jesus and his Kingdom came a little into view because I said "yes" more than "not now."

Far More Than I Imagined: When God Changes the Shape of Your Life.

Most of you familiar with imagine/Northampton know our byline is: Helping people discover the God who is far more than they imagine. We think it crucial for a vigorous and vibrant following of Jesus. Always peering into and discovering the vast riches of relationship with the Living God is the normal, biblical Christian life in our estimation.

Conversely, allowing one's following to sink gradually into mere habit and routine is numbing anathema. The ravishing God who conceived, created, sustains and redeems his universal masterpiece must be the centerpiece of our daily being. The posture of open, expectant looking to discover more of God and more of what he desires our days to be about has no higher calling in my opinion.

Lately, I've been noticing since coming here how God is gradually re-shaping Tricia's and my life. He's doing far more than we imagined at this juncture of life and I suspect, similar to an iceberg, we only see 10% of it - probably God's mercy that we do!

Let me give you some examples.

1. Shifting my Christian self-concept:

Prior to coming to Northampton, I was in ministry, but almost exclusively with Christians who came to Tricia or me for help, whether inner healing, marriage/family counseling, spiritual direction or Listening in Christ retreats. They came to the Center For Renewal, or we were invited to their place of ministry and work. At that time, my sense of self was about being receptive rather than proactive. I was there if you called on me. Now, I must go out and engage people, often strangers with substantially different life experiences from me, and most aren't Christian. While we have folks who come to imagine for what we do in-house, God is reshaping my ministry focus in ways I never imagined 5 years ago. It's been both a bewildering challenge and an intriguing, inspiring adventure. I understand my being a Jesus follower differently now as being out amongst rather than in amongst. I'm going, not staying put.

2. Transitioning from suburbia to being in the middle of a small city:

We lived in Simsbury, CT at the retreat center for 20 years. The 40-acre church property was converted from a dairy farm. It has open fields bordered by forest,  a stream called Hopbrook where a baptismal had been dug. There is an outdoor worship area hugging a hill next to Hopbrook, paths to walk, stone walls, gardens, wooden benches to rest or reflect on, an in-the-woods Prayer Gazebo, and all manner of wildlife just passing through, including bear. It sits in the middle of suburbia like a park.

The rhythm of life was slower with quiet, especially at night. We lived in a house of prayer.

Now, we live in a European-style apartment, and work in a small bustling city on Main Street at a crossroads. There are people everywhere, all the time. It's noisy, spiritual, energy-packed, weird, fun, artsy, full of itself, and exasperating at times. God put us right, smack dab in the center of it all on Main Street. The rhythm of life is wildly ramped up,  especially on the weekends and holidays. In reality, we're getting used to people on the street, the parade of people heading uphill in life and heading downhill. While living at the retreat center was bucolic and pastoral, living in Northampton is often like a carnival or relic of the 60's. Routine living takes more effort than it did in Simsbury.

In this context, God is reshaping my sensibilities and fitting me to serve here. I'm becoming a part of the life of this vibrant place. I am pacing with the rhythms and flow of urban culture and fins I love some of it. The time for retreat space living ended; the time for city space living is now enfolds my life.

3. Being church as opposed to para-church:

God called us to be a key part of planting a church, something we'd never done before. Taking on such responsibility feels different from when I started Klesis. It was ministry, but related specifically to just what Tricia and I did. We were members of a church, not looking to plant one. Neither were we looking for people to join our ministry as their church. The point was not to be a church, but to draw alongside and serve the Church by healing and teaching people intimacy with Christ.

But now in Northampton, we have a passion to establish a missional church to love and serve the people here that they might see and follow Jesus. Our time is spent on those activities needed to do our parts in the task. We want imagine to be a missional community. We want people who come on board to share our core values and engage others to help open them to Jesus. It is no longer merely about Tricia's and my individual ministries. We're part of a team and know that someday imagine/Northampton (if it pleases God), will move forward without us.

God changed the shape of our lives regarding ministry focus and format. I suspect Klesis and all we did at the Barn in Simsbury was a necessary precursor to prepare us for such a time as this.

4. Faith needing to be deepened:

If you and I were to have a conversation about life and mission in Northampton, you'd hear me tell you this is the hardest thing I've ever done in ministry and the most captivating. I'd make sure to mention the fierce spiritual warfare we routinely experience, and the relentlessness of which I've never experienced, and I've experienced plenty before. I'd also tell you of the vigor, maturity and tenacity of faith required to plant imagine is like nothing I've had to muster before, especially what is needed daily to not be filled with fear or overwhelmed by discouragement and impotence in the face of seemingly overwhelming odds.

Being here to live the Gospel is not for posers, flashes in the pan, or the faint of heart. You have to decide each day to fight the fight of faith and not look back. Keeping your eyes on Jesus is a real lifeline. The battle for the mind and heart greets you in the morning, wakes you in the deep of night, confronts you on the street, and in the most routine of tasks. The fact is, Northampton is occupied territory which can and does spiritually exhaust people who long to see Christ as Lord here especially when it comes to freeing the captive, giving sight to the blind, binding up the broken-hearted, and bearing loving truth in the face of existential confusion, lies and counterfeits which captivate so many, young and old.

God has granted faith beyond what I exercised before. The way I pray, think and act has a level of faith well past what was the norm for me. God is shaping my faith-life commensurate to what he requires of me here. Without such faith I'd never have a chance. Now I do, by his grace, power and creative brilliance for changing lives and drawing people into authentic, missional Kingdom communities.

I honestly never imagined much of what I'm doing here, even as modest as it still is. He's already done far more than I imagined, and we're just getting the hang of this deal from our end. My prayer has been he'd grant me the days to see imagine/Northampton settled in as an extravagantly courageous and creative community of loving, healing and freeing, especially in the lives of people who've no idea who he is, or currently want nothing to do with him or us.

For now, I put one foot in front of the other each day looking continually for him to use me to open a life of someone way beyond what they thought possible because Jesus did not have a place in their life.

Lord, keep reshaping my heart and my days to do what my imagination can't currently see.

Reflecting On My First Solemn Assembly, September 25, 2010, Plymouth, MA

I've never been to a Solemn Assembly. I just knew we needed to participate. It felt important and obedient for Tricia and I, as well as some other imagine/Northampton folks to be there. I still had a cold and felt rheumy, and could have opted out with some integrity, but we were summoned.

On the drive down to Plymouth, yesterday, I was a bit anxious, nothing new for an introvert going to a situation packed with people. I also had thoughts of what I'd experienced in Norwalk a few weekends back and did not want that again. I gave the thoughts no quarter, so after getting lost because of bad Mapquest directions we arrived at Memorial Hall smack dab in the middle of Plymouth and on time. We got situated and held seats for our mates, Nate and Ash, Steve and Vicki, and Jess (her mom joined us as well, a nice   surprise).

The event in toto lasted 4 hours. However, the folks in charge kept things flowing and I was grateful. There looked to be 5-600 in attendance, and as soon as worship began the room was filled with energy and praise. I have to admit, I miss that.

The day flowed with many speakers, some attention-keeping, others not so much. Shofars were blown announcing the Solemn Assembly. We heard about covenant, sang more than once, shared Communion, had a time of small group prayer, were guided in prayers of confession and repentance, and witnessed all manner of testimony over the centrality of New England in the redemptive Kingdom mission of Christ. It began at Plymouth. In the Hall, there was a sincere desire that the awakenings occurring here in the 17th and 18th centuries would happen again and soon. The speakers spoke of urgency, and the need for a remnant to rise to pray constantly, earnestly seeking God, and calling the Church and nation to repentance and revival. We were also entreated to examine our own hearts to see where they had grown cold because of sin and spiritual malaise. I was moved by the examination of my own heart and felt a renewed longing in me to pick up my cross, die completely to self and follow Christ no matter the cost. My confession and prayer to him was real. I want more of Jesus and less of me.

Something happened, though, which framed the entire event, and answered a prayer. What happened was hoped for, and I was stunned with gratitude when it did. We all were, I think.

About a third of the way into the Assembly, the speakers began to call us to repent for the sins of our people against the First Peoples of America. Because God has graciously opened a wonderful relationship with someone in our church who is Native American, and we've had talks about some of the shameful episodes between our peoples' in the founding of the nation, I hoped someone would address the issue. I was utterly taken by surprise when they did. It began with a prayer and general confession. It was poignant and heartfelt, but what happened next brought tears and a roaring thanksgiving from everyone.

A middle-aged gentleman was called up who is Mohawk and a Jesus follower. He spoke of the pain Native Americans have experienced over the centuries in the taking of their country, and the pitiful legacy of broken treaties - almost 500. At the same time, he humbly extended peace and identified himself as a brother in Christ. Some of the leaders addressed him on behalf of the Church and he graciously received it on behalf of Native Americans. Then, a young, Russian immigrant pastor gave him a gift signifying healing and unity. No one expected what our Mohawk brother did next, including the pastor. Around his neck was what looked like a "necklace" of straw-colored reeds he said he'd made. He said it was wampum. He took it from his neck and gave it to the young pastor as a sign of forgiveness, peace and unity. The silence in the room was thick. This simple gesture signified the power of the Gospel to heal and break down walls. It was sober and profoundly meaningful.

What a gift God gave.

At the very end of the event, the pastor who seemed to be the lead guy, called all the pastor's and leaders to come down to the floor in front of the stage so they could be prayed for. Our mates, on either side of Tricia and I turned and looked at me with a "so, you're going, right?" look. Tricia had gone to the bathroom, but she was returning to her seat at that moment.

I mention it because I've not been willing to call myself a pastor even though I am a leader in planting imagine/Northampton and fulfill a pastoral role - even people on the street call me pastor. I think my reticence has been because I'm one of three on the Leadership Team. By design, we've not formally designated anyone as Lead Pastor. Tricia, Jim and I all have distinct roles to play, and each has a pastoral component to it. Also, I'm a layman. All the ministry I've done in the last 20+ years has been as a layman: counselor, coach, spiritual director, retreat leader, ordained elder, teacher, and now pastor. Also, I've always seen pastors as seminary-trained specialists far more equipped and skilled than I to perform  pastoral duties.I still do.

When we went down to the floor to join the other pastors, I asked God's forgiveness for quietly refusing the mantle he's given since I have been up in Massachusetts. Standing there with other pastors, it felt curiously fitting and I gave myself permission to accept the role. I am still one of three, but I'll not hide the fact I'm a pastor.

May God be glorified in this simple gesture of obedience.

So the day was a gift on many levels. I'm grateful God gave us the opportunity to attend with friends and to experience a piece of what he is doing in New England. May what was prayed for all through the Solemn Assembly yesterday become reality in my lifetime, and may I do every bit of what God has given me to do with:

a fierce heart . . . a sound mind . . . a fertile imagination . . . a stubborn faith . . . an uncommon courage . . .

a spontaneous ability to laugh and cry . . . and abounding love for Jesus and all he loves . . .

until my last breath drifts peacefully heavenward.

Maranatha, King Jesus!

Following Jesus into the Mess Until the Cross Wears a Groove in Your Shoulder.

"The the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was stranger and you welcomed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me." (Matthew 25:34-6)

"Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you are also in the body." (Hebrews 13:3)

"And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?" He said to him, "What is written in the Law? How do you read it? And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself." And he said to him, "You have answered correctly; "do this and you will live." But he desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, And who is my neighbor?"Jesus replied, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care him. And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, 'Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I get back.' Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers/" He said, "The one who showed him mercy." And Jesus said to him, "You go, and do likewise."

When I first came to Northampton in the summer of 2008 I grew aware of feeling displaced, a stranger in a strange land, a foreigner on the outside looking in. I likened it to what missionaries must feel when starting out in a new culture. It seemed as if I couldn't find the door into becoming a genuine part of the unique life of this small, tribal city. I must admit the experience was really disturbing. I'd only been there before when I first moved from Albuquerque to Newbury Street in Boston in the early 70's. I felt a kid amidst sophisticated grown-ups (actually I was). The Boston and Northampton experiences were disorienting.

Gradually in Northampton, God began to open a way to connect; it turned out to be a willingness to go into the mess of people's lives and on their terms. Mind you, I'd been a lay counselor for 20+ years, being in the mess was my daily experience - and I was intimately connected to my own. Be that as it may, the Northampton disquiet felt and still feels somehow different. Perhaps, I view it as messier in a peculiar way. The problems and dilemmas I encounter in people's lives here seem more labyrinthine with multiple layers of unhealth, tragedy and sorrow interwoven from decades or even generations of trouble. Whether its the story of the alcoholic Vietnam vet who broke his back, never had it fixed and now lives in chronic pain, or the Level 3 sex offender who's lost everything good in his life and lives on the street 24/7. Or it's the big-hearted, abused woman who tries valiantly to keep a semblance of normalcy and order in her life, but fails more often than not, The issues I encounter feel overwhelming, and the mess too great to walk along side in hopes of bringing redemptive change.

At the same time, I realize for all sorts of complex cultural reasons we're living through a period of tremendous strain and turmoil affecting large people groups on every continent. Northampton is merely a microcosm of global upheaval. It's in this personal and global context the Holy Spirit faces me with unsettling questions to reveal the actual state of my heart toward his Kingdom mission I've said I wanted to help shoulder (his light yoke?) He's asking questions such as:

• Do you really want to follow me into the mess everyday?
• Are you willing to sacrifice your comforts, resources, dreams, time and energy to walk in the mess with the most broken and beaten of my brethren?
• Do you merely want to talk and write about it while staying safely aloof and in control of your own Kingdom?
• Do you want to carry your cross, enter more deeply into my suffering, and die daily to yourself as your preferred way of living?
• Will you go further in with people and not look back even if it costs you everything?

My answer most often to these and related questions turns out to be varying degrees of "yes": "Yes, as long as you'll help me," "Yes, but," "Yes, oh, you mean right now?", or "Yes, maybe (which usually means not so much)." I know I don't want to live pursuing the American dream of wealth, power and prestige. I've never wanted to do that, although having some financial security, and being able to travel with family occasionally, or take time off, see more plays, concerts and arts events still has their charm to me.

By nature and motivational design, I'm motivated by values, they drive me instinctively, but I also have the same character flaws, selfish desires, blind-spots, and frustrating weaknesses (aka sin), as other Jesus followers. I hate that I have them (pride?), but they live in me, and I need daily transforming, lavish grace to cut through their substantial influence. Oh yeah, and I've a large, much practiced "gift" for wandering - some of it's my ADD, and some my motivational bent for exploring. The problem is when sin and design hold sway, I avoid the mess and pursue more pleasant activities and amusements.

The fact of the matter remains, I know if I'm to fulfill the summons to this imagine/Northampton mission my King has given me with Tricia and my teammates, I must make an avowedly consistent beeline for the mess and then linger there with Jesus. He always goes to the mess in people's lives - although they may not let him in - and he wants us to be with him there every day. We're not to be silent in the face of suffering, distant from the tragedies and sorrows of ruined lives, detached from the cries of the voiceless and oppressed, or too busy with our pleasures and securities to let our hands get dirty in someone else's chaos.

Cutting to the bone, we are to do things like:

• sit with and dry the tears of the abandoned (radical empathizing).
• feed the hungry as much or more that we feed ourselves (radical sharing).
• comfort and ennoble the discarded, warehoused feeble and dying (radical re-humanizing).
• give away more than we keep (radical giving).
• befriend the wearisome, smelly, dirty and obnoxious (radical befriending).
• give our money more to the Kingdom mission than ensuring comfortable lives for ourselves (radical financing).
• teach what we know to the ghettoized and disenfranchised who have no teacher ((radical equipping).
•  disarm hate with tenacious love so courageous and unexpected it shames and neutralizes the tyrant (radical peacemaking).
• pursue  and care for the addicted even when he or she is in the depths of using (radical care).
• downsize, simplify, embrace redemptive downward mobility (radical sanctification).

You see, the mess is the earthly dwelling place of Jesus. In becoming a mess-dweller by choice, you walk in solidarity with the One who came to seek and save the lost, crushed, abandoned and dying here and now. You actually find your true life there and come to know him in the face of the forlorn. You see his beauty in lives filled with trouble, sickness and death. The broken, bleeding and crucified Christ is mysteriously recognized in the deformed and hardened. By being at home in the mess, you can see and hear him in the lives of these people. You learn to notice and sense without shying away instinctively.

Tricia (lately through the life of St. Francis of Assisi) and both of us through the persistent inviting of the Holy Spirit are being asked to shoulder our crosses in a manner which inevitably invites us to share in the suffering of Christ in the suffering of humanity. We are not in any way special in that regard. This call is the call to all people of Christ. It is the Way of the Cross, the hard way, but the way freedom for the world. Grace makes it possible to respond and grace makes it possible to persist wholeheartedly. Amazing grace; grace of the life in the mess with Jesus.

PRAYER

Holy One, Wondrous One, Son of Man, Son of God, Suffering Servant, Christ, my magnificent King, make us able to prefer living and serving in humanity's crushing mess with you. Enable us to shoulder our crosses until it wears a groove in our shoulders and we bear the marks of unconditional love. Give us uncommon courage, the love of heaven, Spirit-soaked creativity, and humility able to connect with people who frighten and repel us. Give us hearts that long for justice, mercy, and redemptive freedom for even those who mistreat and despise our solidarity with you. Let the mess in people be our healing ground and setting-free place. Deliver us from the world's enticing addictions to pleasure, amusement, wealth, power and selfish gain. Fill us to bursting with the Holy Spirit's love for you, and what you love that our days may see love triumphing over death in all its rotting malevolence. 

 

Why I Don't Call Myself a Christian Anymore.

 "We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God's purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself."

"What is my vision of God's purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me."

"God's training is for now, not later . . . We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself. "

                                        

      Excerpted from Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (July 28th).



As many of you know, Tricia and I have been up in western Massachusetts since the summer of 2008. We followed Jesus and came to help plant imagine/Northampton, the creative missional church forming in our hearts and minds beginning in early 2007. We were all filled with dreams and ideas of what imagine/Northampton was supposed to become. We talked of it for hours upon hours. We prayed and studied. It took shape in us.

The day finally came when we moved. There were all sorts of unforeseen problems, setbacks and difficulties, but we were here and gradually became a part of the life of this city.

Over the course of the two years here, we weathered all manner the trials and tribulations, some expected and some not. In the midst of it all a subtle change took place. I stopped referring to myself as a Christian and not because people were antagonistic to me because I am one. The word gradually just felt too passive. I saw it similar to calling myself American, Irish, or a McDermott. It described something about me, but didn't capture the dynamic nature of actually following Christ, a dynamism I valued and wanted to characterize my life. A person can be baptized into Christianity and never follow Christ. I realized I wanted my primary identity to be that of a man actually following Christ in the redemptive work he's currently doing in my neck of the woods. Many of the other terms used to identify me are the roles and interests though which I should follow him. Everything I am and do is given to him for his use as his follower. The term Christian was just too pale for what he wants from me which is to step over the line, follow him and never look back.

So I've taken to using the term Jesus-follower. Sometimes I use Christ-follower - nothing wrong with that. However, I prefer Jesus-follower because it captures his becoming human, and I can identify with that: he became one of us that we might become like him. At the same time, I know his being Christ (the Messiah) is a source of great joy and hope to me. It's just that Jesus-follower feels the most intimate term, so I use it more.

With that in mind, I've also begun to come to grips with a simpler, but more true to the heart of God understanding of my following Jesus as a spiritual formation catalyst under imagine/Northampton. I see it as less about the mechanics of planting and growing a church, and more about opening people to the love of God through Jesus and his call on them to truly love others. I'm to obey God in this regardless of whether or not imagine/Northampton sticks. Therefore, the mission is less about growing an organization, and more about helping form an exuberantly loving community of viral Jesus-followers. It has nothing to do with hip programs or innovative artistic expression, and everything to do with being a faithful redemptive subversive in the Kingdom mission God is leading . . . one person at a time. Church for me is not a thing, event or a place, but a salvific stealth movement of unexpected healing, freeing and being included in the most miraculous revolution in the universe.

So I'm seeing I am to follow him and be of use as he invites people to trust and experience his healing love. Then, by his grace and through the leading of his Spirit, I am to help them open to his love so they can learn to love others who have no idea such love exists. It's that simple, I think. Adding to the imagine/Northampton membership rolls is not my prime directive. That's God's prerogative. Following Jesus wholeheartedly and loving what he loves is.

So I'm understanding being a Jesus-follower these days to mean continuing to find what it is to love God with all my heart, and soul, and mind, and strength (holding nothing back i.e., learning to surrender fully), and from the wellspring of his gracious, abundant response, give my days in Northampton to loving others as I would want to be loved. My key question every day has to be: Am I following Jesus today or am I wandering in the jangling confusion of my desires, wants and preferences thus giving myself to "much ado about nothing?" I've been quite good at the latter!

Oswald Chambers in the quote above reminds us that obeying him is the essence of being a Jesus-follower. Listening to his commands and instructions through the Spirit and then going (or sometimes waiting) fulfills his purpose in me, and maybe his purpose through me. I want to learn such obedience and the freedom attendant to it. I want to trust God to such a depth that outcomes do not determine how passionate I will be for obeying him. In other words, if I never see any fruit from my labors here, it will not seem a failure to me because I obeyed, stayed the course and did what was asked of me . . . I followed with all I had.

What about you?
















 

Thoughts on Being Spiritually Formed and Transformed.

I will be giving a talk on this topic tomorrow at imagine/Northampton. Below is an expansion of what I will say.

"We always thank God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love that you have for all the saints, because of the hope laid up for you in heaven. Of this you have heard before in the word of the truth, the gospel which has come to you as indeed in the whole world it is bearing fruit and growing-as it also does among you, since the day you heard it and understood the grace of God in truth, just as you learned it from Epaphras our beloved fellow servant. He is a faithful minister of Christ on your behalf and has made known to us your love in the Spirit.

And so from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

Over the years I have noticed often that Christians can have a tendency to pigeon-hole spiritual formation/transformation into a number of activities, unwittingly making the means the ends. Here are a few examples:

•  Living spiritually formed and transforming lives is mostly about not sinning, and trying to be good - not doing what God says is wrong. Certainly learning to live wholly unto God includes working on our sin, but it is a freeing dance of grace with God being in the lead that conforms us to the image of Christ over time.
• Living spiritually formed and transforming lives is mostly about going to church, reading our bibles, having quiet times to pray, being in a small group, writing a check, i.e., doing our religious "duties" faithfully. Again, all of these activities are means by which the Holy Spirit can teach us to know, love God, and walk in his ways, but they do not comprise the essence of our formation.
• Living spiritually formed and transforming lives is trying to be really spiritual or pious about the things of God: keeping a prayer journal, going on retreats, fasting, writing and observing a Rule of Life, doing Lectio Divina, or having a Spiritual Director. Any and all of them can be efficacious means of grace toward maturity, but they are not the essence.
• Living spiritually formed and transforming lives is about going on mission trips (now you're really serious about your faithwalk), attending Christian conferences, going to a Christian college, reading Christian books and attending Christian concerts. God shows up in those situations as well, but they only function as doors not the wellspring of our calling to love God with all we are and have.

The wonder and miracle of what Paul writes so exuberantly about in these Colossian opening passages is that living spiritually formed and transforming lives springs from a radical, existential change of the heart, the core of our being - an astonishing revolution in your fundamental nature takes place. You were a spiritual "corpse" and now you are a new creation in Christ: fully alive and loved in him. Your understanding of yourself must open to this new reality, and along with it, your core values and ultimate life choices have to come under your new identity. If you really get what's happened, you know something earth-shattering has occurred and you'll never be the same.

Paul puts it this way by writing the Father has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light, having delivered you from the domain of darkness and transferred you to the kingdom of his beloved Son (Jesus) in whom you have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Monumental change has overtaken you and God did it sovereignly by grace and mercy flowing from abounding love. He is its Beginning and End.

At the split second of this existential change, your primary identity and true nature are birthed and spiritual formation begins, however stumbling it may be at first. Your deepest identity can no longer be contained by your sex, race, country, family of origin, social status, class, politics or power. You've been given a place in an eternal, universal family. You have been summoned to become a Jesus-follower. Paul says it like this: we are to "be filled (fully immersed in), with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God." Our primary identity is to be immersed in relationship with him, knowing him, walking in his ways and working with him in the redemptive Kingdom mission he is completing. If we yield to the Spirit and respond to grace, our transformation deepens over a lifetime

And there are benefits to what has happened to you. Here are a few:

• The chance to be formed and transformed by having wounds of your heart healed so you are freed to live by faith and love because of the hope which stays and grows in you. It will be an iterative process. Through the Spirit and gifted people summoned to the work of inner healing, you can be gradually released from captivity and the sins of others against you. It can happen at different junctures of your life, but God extends his hand to you time and time again.
• As you surrender your heart to being formed and transformed by the grace of Christ, you'll notice a growing capacity to trust God and live by faith. It happens through testing and experiencing God's timely faithfulness repeatedly. His word of truth (the Scriptures), gradually helps you increase in the knowledge of him. As you do, you're slowly being strengthened by power to hold fast (endure) to what you believe no matter the adversity or trials you face in life. Acquiring patience with joy through the animating power of God lifts you from being ruled emotionally by your troubling circumstances. You learn to stay the course, regardless.
• You have the opportunity to be formed and transformed to embrace a life set apart to God (holiness), and his missional Kingdom ways. The incline of your heart can become "your will be done on earth as it is in heaven" through loving and serving people, and by so doing, helping them discover this God who is far more than they ever imagined, i.e., "bearing fruit in every good work." Your priorities and deepest desires turn toward the heart of God that it might be known through you.

Tomorrow afternoon, I will ask the following question of the folks gathered at imagine. Perhaps one relates to you or maybe there are others more apropos to your current walk with Jesus. Take a little time to reflect in a quiet place with him - have a conversation and invite him to help you answer:

"Where do you think spiritual formation and transformation still needs to continue in you?"

1. Your knowledge of who Christ is, what he has done for you, how he relates to you, or how the Kingdom of God works? How to surrender your heart more fully to him and follow more closely?
2. The wounds of your heart/life still need inner healing?
3. Learning to live the spiritual disciplines: prayer, worship, study, service, solitude, etc., as means of grace to be more fully formed in him?
4. Living your faith more transparently and publicly because you long for others to know him?

Perhaps the best way to close is something God said to my wife Tricia in prayer this week:

"To know my will is to know me,

To follow my will is to know my ways,

To be transformed is to know my ways,

To know who I am is to love me and let me love you."

 

A Manifesto of True Freedom

 "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (John 8:36)

 Recently, I handed out the following manifesto to folks on a Listening in Christ retreat I was leading. It was the culmination of what we had been working on during our time together.

FYI: A manifesto is a kind of declaration which expresses core values or deep convictions. It can be for something or against something.

I instructed the retreatants not to merely read and sign it. I told them to take time reading the Scriptures attached to each one and ponder what it was actually declaring. I did not want them to take it lightly. I told them not to sign it at all if they had not pondered in their hearts carefully what they were actually declaring. I would rather they did not sign it at all if they were not really going to work at living it.

If they did sign it, I told them to refer to it regularly to see how they are doing with each statement. I also said they should tell someone of the manifesto so they could be held accountable. My conception of the document is that it should be used as an instrument of deepening into following Jesus.

So I invite you to explore it and decide to let it guide you if it seems right to you and the Holy Spirit.

Notice that I left the last 2 blank for you to write your own declarations.

A MANIFESTO OF TRUE FREEDOM

1. By the grace of God, and of my own accord, I declare that it is for freedom I have been set free, and I will spend my life learning to live in that freedom. (Gal. 5:1,13)

2. By the grace of God, and of my own accord, I choose to stay yoked to Christ as my primary identity. (Mt. 11:28-9)

3. By the grace of God, and of my own accord, I choose to surrender more of my heart and seek to become a Jesus-follower. (Mt. 16:24-6; Jn.12:25-6)

4. By the grace of God, and of my own accord, I choose to learn to live a life of service no matter my circumstance. (Ro. 12:11)

5. By the grace of God, and of my own accord, I declare that the redemptive Kingdom of God will be a primary longing of my heart. (Mt. 6:33)

6. By the grace of God, and of my own accord, I seek to fight the good fight of faith and bring pleasure to my Father in heaven, the one in whom I live and move and have my being. (1Tim. 6:12; He.11:6)

7. By the grace of God, and of my own accord, I will seek to run my race in order to get the crown, not merely finish. (Phil.3:12-4)

8. By the grace of God, and of my own accord, I

9. By the grace of God, and of my own accord, I

Soli Deo Gloria

From My Listening in the Quiet This Morning: Thursday, February 18, 2010.

The following is part of what I heard Jesus say to me this morning during my sitting with him:

Be steadfast in the trials you endure.

Stay fastened to hope.

Cherish the truth.

Locate where love is needed and offer it.

Put on gentleness as armor.

Make no room for selfishness.

Give what you have and you will gain what is set aside for you.

Prior, he opened Isaiah 58:6-14 to me. From it, I realized that a central expression of loving God is to take action on behalf of the "least of these" his brethren, my brethren.Other sincere acts of devotion have their place, but the meat of righteousness Paul refers to substantially involves sacrificial service to everyone, but especially to the unloved and unlovely, the lost and broken, the sick, forgotten feeble and the defiantly stiff-necked.

It is through these acts of common life with God that we lift up and carry our crosses and live a full life dying to self. so we can be poured out for his glory.

So . . .

May he help us learn to feast on the meat of righteousness by shouldering our crosses and serving others without hesitating.

My he give you and me the grace to follow and serve him as our deepest daily sustenance.

May he silence our well-groomed selfishness.

May he wither our protective cowardice.

May he deflate our pride.

May he disturb our complacency.

May he harness our cherished distractions.

May he release our hearts into flat-out following.

Monday Morning Reflections From the Quiet: Micah 3:1-4

"And I said, Hear you heads of Jacob and rulers of the house of Israel! Is it not for you to know justice -  you who hate the good and love the evil, who tear the skin from off my people, and their flesh from off their bones, who eat the flesh of my people and flay their skin from off them, and break their bones in pieces and chop them up like meat in a pot, like flesh in a cauldron. They will cry to the LORD, but he will not answer them; he will hide his face from them at that time, because they have made their deeds evil."

Micah uses the imagery of cannibalistic savagery to graphically highlight the depraved character of leaders who do violence against the oppressed instead of justice. He says brutal oppressors in Israel  perpetrate horrors on the people because they love evil and hate good. As a result of what they have done, when they cry out to God in need, he will turn a deaf ear. The rulers and heads of the house of Israel have betrayed their trust in such a vile way that he will ignore their day of anguish.

Such a stunning picture of corrupted hearts reminds me of the imperative God's leaders have been given to love his people the way he does. They are never to knowingly abuse, neglect, deceive or harm them in any way. To the contrary, they are to do unparalleled good to and for the people  because they are near God's heart. While such is a tall order requiring a manner wisdom and love only taught by the Holy Spirit, it is the invitation to any leader desiring to do God's redemptive, freeing work.

We all recognize what terror and suffering can result from leaders who do evil in the sight of God. What blessing and good come from leaders who love him, and because they love him, they love what he loves. When that happens men and women are freed and enabled to be God's people in the world for his pleasure and glory. They become unlocked, inspired and surrendered to his heart - a Jesus-following leader's deepest passion for people.

__________________________________________________________________________

May the  leaders of imagine/Northampton, and all of the leaders who love and serve him in the Pioneer Valley be such men and women of the good.

May the desire to do good characterize all of us in a way that unlocks the Pioneer Valley for the Kingdom.

May our collective ministries be characterized by uncommon love, wisdom, graciousness, kindness and humility; breaking down walls of ingrained cultural distrust and indifference.