This post is not so much about church planting, imagine/Northampton, the missional life . . . or is it? I don't know. But these dreams have caught my attention.
For the last 6 months or so, I've been having these recurring dreams,
sometimes more than once per night. After, I'll often wake up feeling as if I
was just there. They're occasionally disturbing, but not downright
frightening. The dreams are not pleasant for the
most part, however.
Just so you know, I know dreams
reflect subconsciously experienced meaning. Ergo, I'm trying to work out something I'm
immersed in, am struggling with, or cannot make sense of. My brain is working diligently by searching all manner of stored connections in it's looking for understanding about something important or irksome to me. Brains are great symbolizers.
So here's what happens.
These nocturnal intruders tend to unfold in two ways: one is a
sort of wandering scenario, the other has with it an impending, but
diffuse sense of danger. Sometimes the source of the danger is unclear; other times,
it's because of unknown people who might be trying to do me harm for some reason unclear to me as well.
Here are some patterns:
The scene is always dark and somber because it's perpetual night (as in
the house setting), or because I am in a cavernous, very dimly lit (being illuminated by
emergency lights) building such as a warehouse or a theater (especially
backstage). Because my dream occurs often, I'm familiar with each
setting, but they're buildings I don't know I've actually been in.
In both settings, there are people around, but I don't know them, and
they don't seem to know me, yet we're somehow connected to the same space. In the house setting, I get the sense they live there. It
has the feel of a student's crash pad with mattresses on the floor, etc.
There's a general atmosphere of clutter. On the second floor, there seem
to be people who don't like me very much; they appear annoyed, and
downright unfriendly with our brief and random encounters. None of
us talk to each other. In the warehouse or theater setting, a few people
are around, but disconnected and silent. I don't know if they know where they are or why they're in the building.
3. In both dreams, I feel lost
and displaced, like I don't belong. However, there is no sense I'm
trying to get to where I do belong, or even if I know where that is.
the wandering scenario, I am trying to get out of the warehouse or the
theater. I'm inside after hours. I don't know why I'm there, but i know I really shouldn't be. There are many large rooms full of stuff. I go through them
repeatedly, but can never find a way out of the building, in general.
I'm not being chased. I just want to leave. I don't feel afraid, just
confused and frustrated.
In the house scenario, I'm wandering in
the sense because I can't figure out why I'm there. I don't fit. I don't know
the people who seem to live in the house, and they don't know me, but
there appears no solution. We're just there together time and time again
- perpetual strangers, even the people upstairs who don't like me.
diffuse, impending danger scenario occurs when I'm in the house. When
it feels dangerous, there appear to be people outside the building
trying to get in and not peacefully. They feel evil and potentially
violent. I can't see them, but I sense they're moving around looking for a way to get in. In one scenario,
I'm able to make a dash for my car, but just ahead of the faceless ones
even though I can't locate them.
The dreams just kind of play out with little resolve, They just are and there I am.
I'm making mention of them,
because I don't tend to remember my dreams, and these recur with
regularity, so my subconscious is obviously wrestling with something I'm
experiencing physically, spiritually, emotionally or relationally, or
all of the above. I have some ideas of what they may mean, but I'd like
to hear yours.
Any thoughts the Freud's and Jung's out there?