Who's Taking the Wheel Covers in Northampton?

Something very sinister is going on in Noho these days, I think. I began to notice it after one of the wheel covers on our mini-van went inexplicably missing. Yes, just gone like that!

As I drove around town I began to see other cars with only one wheel cover missing. They are often from older cars and on the left front tire (not exclusively though). As I paid more attention the puzzling phenomenon became more troubling. There are more than a few cars with just one wheel cover missing!

What's going on? What kind of catastrophe is just around the corner because of this maddening mystery?

Does it involve extraterrestrials? I know they're among us.

Is someone stockpiling for the revolution? I know it's coming.

Does it portend a fast approaching scarcity or rationing of wheel covers? It could happen.

Is this tied to the vile Obama plot to socialize America? You and I know that's what he's up to!

Or is it something freaky like a conceptual art piece that the participants (the hapless victims of the theft), do not realize they are part of? I am in Northampton you know.

What if my mind has been taken over by a megalomanic supercomputer, and I am seeing what is not really there, cruelly manipulated like some puppet. Why was I picked? Why?

Do we all need to be very afraid?

Please help me while there is still time. Ideas?