What my little wait showed me about THE BIG WAIT

Two weeks ago after returning from doing leadership coaching in West Springfield, I was made aware in a very small way of what people on the street experience daily.

We had just moved into our apartment in Northampton. There was only one key to the street-side entrance and I didn't have it. It was 10:15 at night and I was locked out. No big deal, I thought. I could see the lights on upstairs on the third floor. Tricia must be up so I will just call her. Problem solved.

Nope.

I must have called 20 times over the next half hour. She wasn't answering. That could mean she was charging her phone or she was asleep and charging her phone. I usually returned around ten from the coaching, so it was not unusual for me to not quite be home yet. She wasn't wondering where I was.

A few days before, I had met a man on the street named Mike (not his real name).. He looked to be about my age. He did not have the appearance of a street alcoholic, drug addict or mental patient. He wasn't unkempt or street worn. He was alert and self-contained.

Interestingly, no matter where I went in Northampton, he would be there. It's important to know that we had talked many times to people about the idea that one of our goals was to serve people on the street. He was on the street and I could not avoid him. It seemed that God was saying "Put your money where your mouth is," with this man, so I did. I talked to him a bit and made a connection.

So as I was sitting on the bench in front of our building wondering what to do, I thought I would go talk to this man. I had seen him sitting around the corner earlier. I went and asked him if I could share the bench. He invited me to take a seat. For the next 30 minutes we talked about his story. He had some sort of relationship with the God of the Bible (I had seen him reading it before). He had lost his job, his church and his family for reasons he did not reveal, and I did not press for. He was assertive and pained by his situation. He was also an overcomer. I could tell by how he talked and the turns of phrase he used.

As it turned out, toward the latter end of our conversation, Tricia called wondering where I was. It had been an hour past when I should have returned home. She came to fetch me and I said good night to Mike.

Upon reflecting later over what occurred, I realized I had been given a glimpse into what folks must experience on the street of having no place to go. Because of our vantage point from the apartment, I can see the street and I am beginning to recognize homeless people. During the summer months some spend the nights walking Main Street because it is not safe to sleep on the streets at night, especially for women. Mike slept on a bench during the day because he said it was "safer." He is a burly guy with attitude. He could defend himself, but preferred the safety of the day for sleeping.

From my conversations with him and watching him and others sitting around with little to do, I realized the malaise of living on the street. Just sitting for an hour and not being able to get into my home, gave me a sense of being cut off with nowhere to go. I didn't like it even though I knew I would get in sooner than later. I had a surprising and uncomfortably forlorn feeling of being displaced and alone. It was weird given my actual circumstance, but very real.

I realized many of the people on the street must wait for simple things like getting enough money to eat. They wait for places to open so they can eat. They wait to get cleaned up. They wait for family to step in and help. They wait for shelters to open and beds to be made available or housing they can afford. They wait for government checks to come or clinics to open. They wait to get high and to get clean. Some wait to find there way back to sanity or any return to a life of simple stability and order.

A few wait just for another day to get over before another waiting day begins.

Another few, I suspect, wait for God to do something . . . anything.

More than I realize, wait to die.

Yet, I know there are people on the street who are not powerless to do something about their situation, but being displaced is intimidating and creates a disconnection from life which can be overwhelming no matter who you are. People become invisible and eventually dehumanized. They remain ghostwalkers to many of us.

Any life wasted or lost is a flat-out tragedy, I think. Living on the streets because you have to is a profoundly wasting predicament. Living there because you want to, is not much better in my opinion.

My point is that in my little wait God let me feel the sense of being cut off from the mainstream of living in society. He wanted me to glimpse the loss, fear, waste and fultility that homeless people must experience from time to time, or maybe all the time. He did that in little over an hour.

I sure hope this awareness will not be wasted on me in the days ahead.

Please, Jesus . . .

70 Main Street: The Great Adventure Begins.

Somewhere in the middle of the week I was struck with a realization so moving that I teared up and had to tell Tricia of what God briefly made me aware.

As a number of you know, this Thursday we will move to 70 Main Street in Northampton, right in the middle of town; right on downtown Main Street! A year before we moved to Sunderland last summer we prayed that God would put us in the center of town. He moved us to Sunderland first, especially to give our daughter, Eslie, time to gather money for going to school. She is now at the Le Cordon Bleu School in Cambridge, MA. It was the right move to make.

So as I was sitting there, it suddenly became crystal clear that our moving was momentous, filled with portent for the future of which we grasp little now. I was overtaken briefly by the awareness of what God was doing. It is no small thing that we are there in that exact location. While I do not have little clarity about what he has it will all look like, I am convinced God is up to something "immeasurably more that we can ask or imagine," right now. Phew.

Interestingly, as each of the team members are moving into town, the spiritual warfare is fierce with obstruction after obstruction. It seems the invaders and usurpers are aware that something threatening is about to take place and they are trying to make it as difficult as possible for us to make the move. We are all aware of the adversary's efforts.

And...lest anyone think we suffer from delusions of granduer, please don't waste too much time on it. None of us feel special or superior. We are constantly made aware by the Holy Spirit of the stark fact that if anything is going to happen of Kingdom import through us in Northampton it will be solely and utterly his doing, period. I can't tell you how many ways he reminds us of this.

So there I was last week being absolutely transported for a moment by the sheer amazement of what God just did to get us on Main Street accompanied the unmistakable assurance that this was the beginning of an adventure all of us were made for.

I think Steven Curtis Chapmen's song The Great Adventure seems to fit well:

"Saddle up your horses, we got a trail to blaze.
Through the wild blue yonder of God's amazing grace.
Let's follow our leader into the glorious unknown.
This is life like no other.
This is the great adventure."

Indeed.

Make it so, Jesus, and let us miss nothing of what you have charged imagine/northampton to do, for as long as you have charged us to do it - not one whit!

Soli Deo Gloria.

What a Year It Has Been: Taking Stock.

Last Wednesday marked the 1-year anniversary of Tricia and I moving from Simsbury, CT to Sunderland, MA. We left with high hopes and great expectations for launching imagine/northampton. We knew it would not be a cakewalk, but we are pioneers of a sort, so blank canvasses are not frightening propositions to us.

However, I must say right off that bat this Kingdom adventure appears the hardest one we have undertaken to date with the possible exception of moving to Stahlstown, PA in 1974 to be a part of ELAN, one of the pioneering, if not the pioneering Christian fusion band.

What have been the highlights of this first year?

1. Soon after we moved, we went to England to lead the Spiritual Formation Workshops at the C.S. Lewis Institute's Oxbridge, 2008 in Oxford and Cambridge. (Not directly related to imagine, but we were able to make connections).
2. We leased our present offices in Northampton just before we left for England.
3. We did an Open House in September and met people in the community.
4. We led 6 Conversations at the Northampton Friend's Meeting House from October, 2008 to February, 2009 laying out our Core Values and continuing to connect with the community.
5. We did 5 Strategic Prayer Huddles in March and April, 2009.
6. In May, we launched a weekly imagine group comprised of people who have shown interest in continuing with us. 2 Sundays/month we gather to study the Book of Acts and learn spiritual formation tools. 1 time/month we do a fun thing together.
7. Catherine connected with folks doing a soup kitchen in Northampton and we plan to participate. We also visited the Northampton Survival Center to see how we could support them.
8. Prior to my knee injury, I was meeting with different folks in the community to build relationships and increase interest.
9. We have procured the site for our first worship in September: The Northampton Center for the Arts.
10. We have found musicians to help us lead worship.
11. Kit and Tricia will move onto Main Street in Northampton on July 30th.
12. Jim and Karin LaMontagne have sold their house in Simsbury and look to be moving to a new home in South Hadley in August.
13. Matt and Karen Bayne moved to temporary quarters in Tariffville, CT and are looking for an apartment in Northampton - to move in August.
14. Jim has landed a new job and will begin in late July.
15. We have created a means by which people will be able to be assimilated into our community if they so choose.

What have been the challenges?

1. We were not able to move into Northampton right from Simsbury.
2. Imagine/northampton continues to be seriously under-funded, especially in terms of new donors.
3. I had a very serious knee injury in February that took me out of the game for 4 months.
4. The costs for living (rent and skyrocketing utilities' costs) here were far more than Tricia and I anticipated creating almost constant financial stress.
5. Jim had his position eliminated the day before Thanksgiving and searched for 7+ months for a job.
6. Matt and Karen were surprised to have to move from their quarters in Simsbury to a temporary place before moving here.
7. The spiritual warfare in this area is unrelenting and of a degree we have not experienced. It wears Christians down because of its constance.
8. We still do not have enough counseling and spiritual direction clients in Northampton.
9. We have not been able to connect with artists or influencers in the town like we'd hoped.

And yet...

We are still here after a year and no one is quitting. We have been able to connect fairly well with the Christian community around us, especially some of talented and influential people. We are encouraged by that. Also, the people who come to the imagine group seem to care for the vision and mission.

All of us on the team have had our faith tested substantially. We are having to learn tenacity in discouragement, perseverance in setbacks, and a certain sense of humor about it all. We still hold to the vision and mission. We desire to be a part of God's awakening this area again. We know we have something to offer, but we also know that only Jesus will make it happen.

Please pray for us. It makes a huge difference.

When Leaders Fall: What Must We Do?

1Cor.13:11-Finally, brothers rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace and the God of love and peace will be with you.

Gal. 6:1-Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

Over the course of my life with Jesus I have had the sad experience of witnessing, and sometimes, walking through chaotic fire with Christian leaders who have stumbled and fell because of sin. With many, the results were devastating to them, those they loved, and those who trusted them. The pain for a few involved can be excruciating to the degree they even leave the faith as a result.

I am doing so again these days.

Most of us are well aware, I think, that leaders in the church are held to greater standards because of the amount of trust given them to lead. They are granted unique influence and power in the lives of people who follow them. People assume integrity and feel safe under their leadership. They count on substance and strong character.

Church leaders are expected to exemplars: real people, but Christ-like to a different degree than the rest of us it seems. Nevertheless, leaders should be people we can look up to, even with feet of clay. Only Jesus is Jesus, remember.

And our expectations can be wildly unrealistic and tragically unfair. Leaders suffer when that is the case.

The harder issue, I realize, has to do with what a church and other leaders within it do when someone in their ranks, perhaps the senior leader falls. What should be our response? Unfortunately, I have not witnessed well-handled crises like this. I am sure there are good examples, but I have not been privy to them, at least as I remember.

To me, the central questions are: 1.) Should a church be the community in which this person can heal? 2.) How does a church help restore the fallen leader - assuming he or she wants it? These are complicated questions I know, but a way forward is possible.

I understand that, depending on the reason for the fall, great care needs to be taken. For instance, sexual sin involving another member of the congregation will require much wisdom, prayer, and dialogue to respond well. And no one should be put in harm's way because of the leader's sin. Forgiveness is not foolishness.

No matter the leader's type of fall, there also needs to be time given for the initial trauma wear off and to healed in the church. It may take awhile. People must be able to process their conflicted emotions over the crisis. There will be all sorts confusion and turmoil to calm. The unthinkable has happened and people need to make some sense of it to feel safe.

So, should the church be the community in which a fallen leader can heal? According to Paul the answer looks to be yes. He is writing to people in community as the church. He says that restoration is to be the goal and that people who are spiritually mature should take the lead in making that happen. Although leaders have a particular influence in the community they are also a part of it and should benefit from the grace God gives to everyone. The restoring should be done as gently as possible without glossing over the severity of the sin. The goal is living at peace with one another, a hallmark of the Kingdom of God of which the Christian community is its earthly expression.

I am firmly convinced that the Christian community is central to healing and restoring a fallen leader. In Christian community we all learn to deal with learning to accept human brokenness and sin in such a way that forgiveness and restoration are constantly practiced. We need to find ways to overcome our fears in this regard. By being together in the awkwardness of having to work our way through tough stuff is God's way. No one is to ever be shunned or treated as a pariah, including leaders who betray trust and fall.

The question remains how does the church go about restoration, especially when emotions are high, every one has been hurt and the sin was particularly egregious?

1. The leader is asked to step down into the care of elders or other spiritually mature leaders who have wisdom, gentleness, and discernment. He or she stays away from the larger community for as long as it takes for things to settle.
2. A prayer team is comissioneded with the express purpose of interceding for the fallen leader, the elders/leaders and the church. They are kept abreast of the restoration process as it unfolds and are commissioned for the entire duration.
2. A formal process is put in place by elders or leaders to let people ask questions, express their anger, confusion, hurts, and fears. It is done with both individuals and as a group. The goal is understanding and to set the stage of the fallen leader to be reintroduced into the community. This may take weeks as well.
3. The fallen leader must get into counseling and stay accountable to the elders as to his/her progress. He meets regularly with them to discuss what he is learning
4. When it seems right to the Holy Spirit and the elders/leaders (after frequent prayer), the fallen leader and the community meet to engage in a dialogue with the goals of forgiveness and healing. The ultimate goal is restoration to community worship and fellowship at this point. More than one meeting may be necessary. This process should not be interrupted until all that needs to be said and heard, is.
5. If this stage of restoration is achieved a support group of leaders and others in the community is formed with the purpose of deepening fellowship and aiding restoration. The fallen leader is a member, not the leader. It continues through the duration of the restoration process.
6. As counseling continues and healing seems to be occuring in the leader and community discussions can begin about his or her involvement in service or ministry as a member of a team.
7. If the person continues to get better and relationship with the community grows and normalizes the leader should invited to partner with another leader in ministry for a number of months both for assessment and restoration.
8. The final step is to begin an evaluation period to begin with leaders, elders and members to assess the leader's suitability for restoration to individual leadership responsibility at a level determined by this group. his assumes all are in agreement that such a leadership should be restored.

The process I outlined should take 1-2 years depending on the leadersd and community involved and the seriousness of the sin. Some leaders may never be restored to a leadership role for a number of reasons. Some should be restoreed to a leadership role. All should be give the chance to do so. The betrayed community should have the chance to learn how to work through the trauma of when leaders fall.

Lastly, the miracle of the Kingdom God is establishing in and through us as the church is that we have the chance to work through hard issues in a way unfamiliar to most people. We are to love and forgive one another . We are to aim for restoration of people who fall into sin. We are to live at peace with one another in such a way that demonstates the Kingdon have God has begun on the church and even peole of great influence have another chance when they fall from grace and hurt people who have trusted and followed them.

When the Tears Come These Days.

I don't know if it is just because of my ripe age or because of living on this groaning planet through six sometimes anguished decades, but I have noticed tears welling up in my eyes more often over the last year. They want to spill when I see a movie, hear a story or have a conversation around the good guy actually winning, or a real hero laying it all down for a righteous cause, or an outrageous wrong actually being set to rights.

I know this kind of stuff makes most people cry every once in a while. But, I suspect it more true that as I move into the last third of my life, the longing for what God promises to do at the end of the world's turbulent exodus is settling into an insistent tugging from a very deep place in me:

• I want the forgotten voices of the countless silent ones who lived and died as if they were never here to be heard loud and clear.
• I want all the enslaved and dehumanized over the centuries to be freed and ennobled as if someone cared for their plight.
• I want the overlooked, abused and lonely to be given their place in the sun.
• I want all the tears of pain and suffering to be wiped away forever.
• I want those who never got a chance to sparkle, to shine like stars as they were meant.
• I want the sick, deformed and mangled to healed to run and leap for joy.
• I want the music that stayed silent, the art that never knew a brush and the poetry that failed to find form to take center stage for all to see and hear.
• I want cruelty to disappear and war to find no takers.
• I want those who gave their lives for peace and justice to have life beyond their wildest imaginings.
• I want justice, grace and peace to rule the day.
  
• I want the good and true to fill the universe.
• I want evil to disappear and life-freeing live to engulf creation like the sun fills a morning.

I want many other changes like the above. As I get old though, I find it harder to live in a broken world the longer I live here, especially bcause I know there is something better just beyond the veil waiting to be revealed. I get tired of the sad story of cosmic rebellion and long for the joy-story of a new earth conjoined to a new heaven forever.

In the meantime, my hope is that imagine/northampton will reflect a little of the joy-story by how it loves and serves people in this "paradise city." We will point to it in our helping and encouraging especially for those who have had no real reason to lift their heads for a long time.

At the very least, we are sure going to try over and over. And the tears will continue to well up in my eyes everytime I get a unexpected glimpse of what is to be someday.

MARANATHA!

What My Right Knee Has Taught Me.

Recently, I have come to realize that an injury to a joint has lessons to teach about how trust is tied to strength whether we initially notice the relationship or not.

First, the back story: As many of you have been aware, I suffered a serious injury to my right knee. The injury required surgery and months of physical therapy. I continue with the PT.

Part of the therapeutic process for such a hobbling has been to strengthen the quadraceps muscle so it helps stabilize the knee and support the weight it should carry. With such strength and stability, I am able to walk normally and exert proper pressure when an activity requires pushing or climbing. At this point, I cannot really climb or descend stairs without a cane and holding onto a rail. Said quadraceps is not strong enough to stabilize the knee or support enough weight, so I don't trust it.

Remarkable to me has been the awareness that whereas before I never gave walking or climbing a second thought, I hesitated recently when therapy required I begin trying to step up onto a 4-inch box. I was even more uncertain when my Physical Therapist started me using my right leg to step onto and over a BOSU ball (a Pilates ball cut in half). It is unstable on purpose and I felt appropriately destabilized.

Obviously, I had become afraid of things I was not afraid of before such as climbing stairs or trying a physical task requiring balance and control. I was also surprised and did not like the fact that when I was on top of the BOSU ball my thigh wobbled uncontrollably because of its utter weakness. Then when I was able step over the ball, I could not get back without having to use my arms holding onto parallel bars to help lift me. My dogs weren't barking, but my hamstrings were sure letting out a yelp! It was not pretty and I felt sheepish.

Soon after the experience I got to thinking about the relationship between strength and trust. Prior to my injury, I used my right leg normally and thought nothing of it. It was strong and stable enough to to do what I needed from one day to the next. I trusted it implicitly. When my knee could not and did not do what I expected from it, I felt immediately disoriented. I expected what I was used to even though it was injured. My brain went there automatically.

Then later, my thoughts turned to what happens to trust when it is tried or injured? Such a thing happens to people when they experience something which profoundly flies in the face of their perception of God: his protection, provision or how he is supposed to help in times of trouble. Most people make assumptions about how God is supposed to be when we face one of life's upheavals or tragedies. When such assumptions are threatened, our faith becomes wounded and weakened because the unthinkable has happened and God seems nowhere to be found. What happened was just not supposed to, or for some, never seems more than a never-ending series of emergencies, setbacks or crushing disappointments. They don't ever get a break from trouble.

When we are faced with such disturbing difficulties most of us earnestly desire to trust again and to find evidence of his strength that will overturn chaos or help us get back on our feet. But I have found in order to do so, we must stretch our trust to include life's formidable struggles, even horrors if need be. We have to locate a more tenacious trust not determined by how well our life is going or how untouched we will be by the terrifying (whatever that might be to us). I know if we can open to the grace he offers to steele our trust (it can come in ways we do not immediately recognize), in trials and travails we will see trust grow stronger because it is determined not by the endless vacillation of our circumstances, but by the experienced integrity and strength of the LORD of the universe through all of them.

In sum, here is what my knee has taught me:

1. Trust must be exercised repeatedly to develop strength, otherwise it remains latent and flaccid.

2. Trust always flows from a remembered history of experienced strength on one's behalf.

3. Trust naturally believes, even assumes that strength can be counted on when needed.

4. Trust can be taken for granted until it is sorely tested.

5. Trust can be damaged when confronted with circumstances which seem to overwhelm strength or render it impotent.

6. Trust can be damaged when confronted by experience which seems to demonstrate such trust was misguided or in vain.

7. Trust can be gradually restored when what was weakened is healed through experiences which rebuild it.

8. Trust can gradually be deepened when it stretches to include the previously unforeseeable or unthinkable.

9. Faith is trust tested over time and found reliable.

10. Faith in Jesus is trust authenticated in relationship over a lifetime.

a short report on imagine's yesterday.

Yesterday, at our house in Sunderland, we began our "final approach" to imagine/northampton's launch in September. Generally, our approach (I know it has only been 10 months), has felt like that excruciatingly slow ride the Space Shuttles take from their hangar to the launching pad. It inches along and can take hours. Our "inching" will take a few more months.

16 of us were together for an afternoon of food, hanging out, and hearing about imagine's plans for the summer. Everyone seemed in a convivial spirit, ready to embark on something new even if each did not have a clear view of their part or where everything would head this summer. People just seemed happy to be together.

We began the day once everyone arrived with a sparkling lunch including Curry Chicken Salad with Green Grapes and Almonds, a Red Potato Salad with Dill, a Multi-colored Fresh Fruit Salad, an Artichoke Salad with White Beans, Pepperoni, Red Peppers and Buffalo Mozzarella, Onion Quiche, and assorted breads. We topped it off with Dark Chocolate Cake plus Honey Vanilla Ice Cream, and a Meringue Pie. I hope you get the idea that it was spectacular, because it was. We are blessed with some serious cooking chops on the team! I guarantee imagine/northampton will always have well-made and presented food as part of its culture.

We did not hurry lunch. We wanted plenty of time to sit around and catch up with everyone. Our desire was for people to talk and connect with one another, and with us in a way different from Conversations or the Strategic Prayer Huddles. Most had at least met at one of our gatherings, but not all. I knew everyone there more than anyone else on our team so I wanted them to have a chance to connect.

To that end, Karin LaMontagne put together a series of thought-provoking questions for after lunch. As we wound down with the meal, we briefly welcomed everyone formally and then turned it over to her. She explained that each person would take a question (she had rolled and tied them to look like blue scrolls), and then after some thought, answer it to the best of his or her ability in a couple of minutes. Karin had brought along a little carousel-like music box to play as a person deliberated, but after much team prayer, anguish, and a thorough search of the Scriptures for any acceptable reference to "carousel-like music boxes" we decided that it was not to be used.

After finished the experience, some of us noted how the questions, picked randomly and sight unseen, often fit the person in a very uncanny way, as if a particular question was "meant" for him or her. Also notable to me was how the experience evoked much laughter and gave people a chance to learn something personal about the others. As we moved around the circle the mood was light-hearted and warm, and people felt free to reveal a little about themselves that others did not know. It did help most there connect in a way that Conversations hadn't. Being in a home rather than a meeting place naturally added to the friendly atmosphere as well.

At end the day, Jim LaMontagne explained a bit about where we were going to head as we studied the Scriptures together through the summer. He is calling the study Living Missionally: A Study in Acts and will take us through the first 5 chapters beginning May 17th. Because we are a missional church culture by design, he will help us examine our understanding by looking at the first missional church.

After Jim spoke, I briefly explained the calendar for May highlighting the gathering at our house on May 17th and our "field trip" to the Paradise City Arts Festival in Northampton on May 24th. On June 6th, our graphic novelist, Matt Bayne will be part of a "convention" in NYC called MoCCA, 2009. It will be a second field trip together. We want to support, Matt, and see a bit of the comic world he inhabits, not to mention New York.

As we adjourned, I was heartened by the fact that after we concluded our scheduled time at 4, people hung around and chatted for at least another half hour. They had connected and were enjoying one another. I ended up talking to a couple of folks until after 6!

Almost felt like church . . . Hmmmmm.

As I mentioned in the last blog, we really do want folks to connect and build relationships with each other that will carry us all into the fall as we launch officially. Yesterday was a great start, and if the rest of the summer turns out like yesterday, we will be in fine shape come September!

The Lord was gracious to us.